I don't know if I even want to be a teacher. I think I do, because there is no other major that I think I could absolutely love. Honestly, I think all I want to do when I grow up is serve Jesus. As much as I would like to marry a pre-med major here at Bethel and live comfortably, I don't think I could spend my time getting pedicures when deep down I know I'm called to something greater.
I couldn't live with myself if I knew I was living for myself.
Also, conversations with a few close friends at the end of a dock in the middle of the night covered in mud could be one of the most fulfilling experiences ever.
...I was so proud of myself; I finished all my work before vespers so I could get to bed early when I got back. Funny how things don't work out as we plan. When I got back from Vespers, I remembered that I needed to print out the paper for my 8:00 class, and sure enough, the printer in the study lounge was broken (as it always is when I'm tired and have a paper due). After I let out a huff of frustration, a boy in the study lounge, who grew up in Bloomington with me, thought he'd inform me of a death of one of the guys I graduated with last year. At first, I thought he was joking, because he tends to fool around a bit, but I know him well enough to know that he wouldn't joke about something that serious. He told me that this kid, Joey, died of a cocaine and meth overdose. Honestly it broke my heart. I didn't know Joey well at all. I mean we had classes together, and talked on occasion, but we were not much more than aquaintances. What broke my heart is that he did not know the Lord. How can parents sit at the funeral for their 19 year old son who died as a consequence to his foolish choices and maybe know that he is NOT in a better place. What's the preacher to do? Lie? Say he's in a better place so everyone gets warm fuzzies? I can't imagine that he would perform the funeral in a manner that implied that Joey had gone to you-know-where. Anyway, when I had all intentions of heading to bed, I knew I wouldn't...couldn'tsleep with out meeting with Jesus. For the first time in my life, His word came together in a way that I had never realized it before. Before, though the Lord would speak to me through his word, it seemed more to me like a bunch of random guidelines strung together to make me more Christ-like. Don't get me wrong. It has always been my truth and my light, but now, I can put it together. Everything I even glanced at in the Bible came down to spreading the good news of Salvation.
"My Ambition has always been to preach the Good News where the name of Christ has never been heard, rather than where a church has already been started by someone else. I have been following the plan spoken of in the scriptures, where it says,
Those who have never been told about him will see, and those who have never heard of him will understand."
"Obviously, I'm not trying to be a people pleaser! No, I am trying to please God. If I were still trying to please people, I would not be Christ's servant."
"So don't get tired of doing what is good. Don't get discouraged and give up, for we will reap a harvest of blessing at the appropriate time."
"Live wisely among those who are not Christians, and make the most of every oppertunity. Let your conversation be gracious and effective so that you will have the right answer for everyone."
"Now, who will want to harm you if you are eager to do good? But even if you suffer for ding what is right, God will reward you for it. So don't be afraid and don't worry. Instead you must worship Christas Lord of your life. And if you are asked about your Christian hope, always be ready to explain it. but you must do this in a gentle and respectful way. Keep your concience clear. Then if people speak evil against you, they will be ashamed when they see what a good life you live because you belong to Christ."
1 Peter 3:13-17
It's just amazing how the Bible has this one common theme. Love and Live for God and share the Good News of Peace and Salvation. It proves how constant and great our God is. I was on a date the other night with some other couples and one of my friend's dates asked me why and how I have faith that the Bible is the Word of God and that it is inerrant (without error). Why? Because God is the same great God today as he was at the Creation of the World. How can I have faith? I just have to. If I could explain it, I wouldn't need faith.
In short: My biggest fear is to see someone leave this world with out knowing Jesus; it breaks my heart. This life is not about me; It's about Jesus. Therefore I desire nothing but to take his truth, which I find in his Word, to those who have not heard or do not understand. Jesus is the way the truth and the light and NO ONE can get to the father except through him. Gosh this is so darn important, I can't emphasize it enough.
I apologize that this was so darn scatterbrained, but there are just many things going through my head right now that are all so important and need to be voiced.
There are so many things I want to do. I was recently in Mexico (like last week) with my beautiful mother, and I kept thinking of things I want to do. Sometimes I feel like I'm having a mid-life crisis, where I'm ready to do the drastic, like chop my hair or buy a time share in Canada. My mom is constantly reminding me that I'm only 18, then I have to remind her that I am almost 19. Because we all know the few extra months makes a world of difference. Anyway, right here, right now, I am making a list of things that I want to do within the next 10 years.(Note: this is in no particular order after the first few goals).
- Fall more madly in love with my Savior Jesus.
- Develop a one-woman act portraying the joys and struggles of teenage girls.
- Learn to Dance. Not just like "Hey baby, check this" dancing, but like, "That's right, I'm natural and sweet, but I'm twirling so fast that I can't stop to chat and I really hope my dancing partner catches me" dancing.
- Write a Book.
- Travel oversees. Possibly England, or Italy.
- Begin working to require Spanish in Elementary School curriculums.
- Get in shape.
- Expand my plate collection. I love tableware.
- Pay off college loans. Maybe not all of them, but a good chunk of them.
- I really really want to learn to dance.
All college freshmen are alike. Actually all freshman are alike. Highschool freshmen try to be like what they think regular highschoolers act like, when they are not mature enough to do so. While college freshmen try to act all adult like most college students, when they aren't ready for the responsibility that goes along with it. At Cedarville, my dorm was not really freshman housing, but now at Bethel I live on what is dubbed the "Freshman Hill" and oh boy is it eventful. Where the girls dress like highschoolers, the boys act like toddlers, and their parents all sit back and pray that this will be the year their babies will mature. Will it ever happen? I will have to see next year, when they're all sophomores.
"Now there are different kinds of spiritual gifts, but it is the same Holy Spirit who is the source of them all. There are different kinds of service in the church, but it is the same Lord we are serving. There are different ways God works in our lives, but it is the same God who does the work through all of us. A spiritual gift is given to each of us as a means of helping the entire church."
~I Corinthians 12:4-7
It was sad to leave Cedarville. I didn't realize how many true friends I had until it was time to go. I love Cedarville and all the wonderful people there, but I know Bethel is where the Lord wants me to be, and I have a total peace about it all. He's got the whole world in his hands.
I feel like I have so much I want to share, but I'm afraid that if I write too much no one will be willing to read what I had to share. Well, I don't think I'm going to let that hold me back. I suppose I could talk about my days at Bare Escentuals where I spent eight hours a day swirling, tapping and buffing mineral make-up, but honestly, that would be worthless chatter. We had a fantastic Christmas with family then with the Sims, our adoptive family who is finally home (well most of them) from the far away land of Belgium. A few days after Christmas my mother, Joe and I headed of to the third annual Faithwalkers Conference in Missouri. And that's where this story really begins...
My mom and I have been to Faithwalkers every year, and it's been different every year. The first year I can honestly say changed my life. The main thing I took from the 2003 faithwalkers conference was to read my Bible daily, and I did for a long while, but then after 6 or 7 months I forgot my priorities. The 2004 faithwalkers could have been a lot better had I not focussed on mingling with my great friends. It was a blast, but I didn't really put anything to practice, but this year was different. Holy smokes! God is so good. Can I just say that I am so thankful for the men and women of Great Commission Ministries who have paved the path for us fellow faithwalkers? This year I took home a lot. It all boils down to me needing to die to myself so that I may be fruitful! I spent the week with my mother and the beautiful Terri Erhardt. I love them both dearly, and I am so thankful they were there to help me grow. I hope to take my gift of faith and someday do missions. Really I just want to follow the Lord where ever he may take me. He's a good God. I just wish everyone could know him the way we know him, because he saves lives, changes lives, heals lives, and loves those who live their lives with his purpose in mind.
"The truth is, a kernel of wheat must be planted in the soil. Unless it dies it will be alone -- a single seed. But its death will produce many new kernels -- a plentiful harvest of new lives. Those who love their life in this world will lose it. Those who despise their life in this world will keep it for eternal life. All those who want to be my disciples must come and follow me, because my servants must come and follow me, because my servants must be where I am. And if they follow me, the Father will honor them."Chew on that for a while, and see if it changes your life.
~John 12: 24-26
And now it's 2006! I hate writing 6's, but I guess this is the year to perfect it. I hope I have my 6's down by June, because then I'll have to write 6-something-06. For now I'll just worry about January, and take each month as it comes.