Putting her hope in God

God has been so good these past couple of days. I know he's good all the time, but sometimes I'm too self-absorbed to notice. He has not only come through for me, but he has gone above and beyond by blessing me. That is just like him.

Mary Knox is such a blessing to me:

"...It says about the widow [ in 1 Timothy 5:5,6] that 'she has placed her hope in God'--not people--not husband, kids, friends, church, circumstances--but she has placed her hope in God. Another one of my anchor verses during that year was Psalm 31: 14,15: "But I am trusting you , O Lord, saying 'You are my God!' My future is in your hands. "
I love the next verse: "Night and day she asks God for help and spends much time in prayer." Night and Day prayer. All the time prayer. It tandems with 1 Thess. 5: 17: Pray unceasingly [NASB] , pray continually [NIV], pray all the time [Message], pray perseveringly [Amplified]...and my favorite: NEVER STOP PRAYING [Contemporary English Version.]
How do you do this--this prayer that never stops? As Thelma Clark once advised me: 'Turn your thoughts into prayers.' This appealed to me, because during [my hard year], I could hardly read and I could hardly speak...but I could THINK. So I could do 'thought-praying.' ....
I've learned many different kinds of prayer. And what does this kind of prayer look like? Praise prayer, cry prayer, laugh prayer, scream prayer, dance prayer, silent prayer, humble prayer, desperate prayer, battling taekwondo prayer. It takes many shapes, many moods, many emotions, many sounds.
So this particular year, I've practiced battling taekwondo prayer. Someone wrote once: "If your God is so great, I dare you to try to win 'him' back with your prayers." Did I go HULK-RAGING-MAD??? You BET I did. I was like: 'Okay! the gloves are coming off. The battle is on!!!" 2 Cor. 10 3-5 says, "We are human, but we don't wage war with human plans and methods. We use God's mighty weapons, not mere worldly weapons, to knock down the Devils' strongholds. With these weapons we break down every proud argument that keeps people from knowing God. With these weapons we conquer their rebellious ideas, and we teach them to obey Christ."
And I'm learning about fasting prayer. We've been advised to fast for our family. Even fast weekly. My flesh was like, "Are you kidding me? Fast every week? Impossible! But we've started. And it wasn't even hard. And it was wonderful. And revelatory! When you fast and pray and read: God takes you deep, and leads you, and 'rhema's' you, and reveals things, FAST! [maybe that's why God called it a FAST. It's a Fast track to God.] So I'm really excited about fasting. The first few stomach growls are hard, but I just learned to offer them up as sacrifices. My verse was Romans 12: 1: "...give your bodies to God. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice...When you think of what he has done for you, is this too much to ask?"
I recently read this wonderful book on parenting, by Ruth Graham. One phrase penetrated my heart: it was a line from one of her great poems: it say: SEE MY HEART UPON ITS KNEES. That's what prayer looks like.
1 Timothy 5 about the widow, has really stimulated me. I want to be a 1 Timothy 5 prayer warrior, before I age even further, and BEFORE I become a widow. I want to be this woman NOW!"

trying not to worry

Things keep coming up that generally prompt quite a bit of worry for me. Things like my car breaking again, or having too much due the next day, or having a friend come in from out of town but not being able to spend as much time with her as previously anticipated, or other things of that sort. The Lord is trying to teach me to have faith. Between the Sabbath book I read earlier this week and Brent's message today and an array of verses encouraging me to pray instead of worry, I am feeling that it is more than a subtle hint that it is something He thinks I need to work on. Sometimes I don't even know where to start with prayer in times of frustration, because I find myself just venting to God. I just want the peace he promises in Philippians.

"Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything and tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."
~Philippians 4:6-7

It seems so simple, yet sometimes it is so hard for me to remember it when my transmission is smelling funny and lights on my dashboard are blinking.

How does God vote?

"The LORD Shatters the plans of the nations and thwarts all their schemes.
But the LORD's plans stand firm forever; his intenions can never be shaken.

The best-equipped army cannot save a king, nor is great strength enough to save a warrior.
Don't count on your warhorse to give you victory - for all its strength, it cannot save you.
But the LORD watches over those who fear him, those who rely on his unfailing love.
He rescues them from death and keeps them alive in times of famine.
We depend on the Lord alone to save us. Only he can help us, protecting us like a shield."

~Psalm 33:10-11, 16-20

God = Big
Government = Small

"When problems come, do you worry or do you pray?"
~Brent Knox

Soft

I just washed my hair with new shampoo and I double conditioned, and now my hair is so soft. I can't stop playing with it.


Yes, it's a Friday night and I'm washing my hair.

Loving Ashley

Ashley's here to visit! That makes me so happy. I've even letting her take pictures of me which, due to the fact that I didn't shower today, I will later untag on facebook.

We went to Famous Dave's for dinner tonight. I always enjoy FD. Yes, I eat there enough to call it FD. I forgot what else I had to say about our trip to FD. I'll post later if I think about it.

The grad school venture is still in my mind. Have I even mentioned that? Well, my advisor is trying to convince me to go to grad school next fall. I love research, so why not? Anyway, the only problem is that there aren't very many grad schools for Communication Studies, specifically Interpersonal Communication Interaction, in MN. So I am trying to first narrow it down by looking for schools that are in cities that also have a GCM church, then deciding which of those cities I wouldn't mind moving to, then seeing which of those schools are small and waive tuition for their students who have assistantships. After all of that I will need decide whether or not this is something that is actually right for me. It's all a scary thought.

Oy Vay.

Off to play with Ashley!

Worry and anxiety would be byproducts of a fundamental doubt of the goodness of God, a suspicion that maybe God's grace is limited or not enough.

~Norman Wirzba
Living the Sabbath

Loving the Twin Cities

I was just reading Metro Magazine while I was eating breakfast this morning. In there they noted that the Twin Cities is the most literate metro in the country. Take that, east coast metros!

I love Minneapolis/St. Paul!

Procrastinating

Tonight was ultimate procrastination.

After skipping both my classes today (one I actually went to for five minutes), I went to a group meeting. After which I came back to my room to make dinner and sit down to homework. As usual, I got distracted while making dinner, and ended up watching a Barbara Streisand movie on AMC and baking cookies.

On a different note:
I'm thinking about going to grad school. It is a very new thought, and not well developed. If I did it, I would go next fall. Growing up is so scary. I don't feel old enough to get my masters, but it would be wonderful! I could spend however long researching and writing and whatnot. My advisor talked to me about it today, and thought that I would be able to get into some of the better grad schools. Who knows. For now, it's just another thing to pray about.

Sidenote:
I'm just contemplating about the Barbara Streisand movie I just watched. It was weird. Babs (as I like to call her) was a jewish girl in early century Europe who wanted to study the Bible, but she couldn't because she was a woman. So she cut her hair and dressed like a boy and became a scholar who fell in love with her study partner who was in love with some one else. The girl he was in love with wasn't allowed to marry him so he convinced Babs' character to marry the girl so he could be close to her. Because Babs was so respectful to the girl in marriage (meaning she didn't force herself upon her...obviously because she wasn't a man) the girl fell in love with Babs. So Babs loved the boy who loved the girl who loved Babs. Babs finally told they guy that she was a woman and he got mad then when she told him she loved him, he reciprocated the feelings and admitted that he had been afraid to touch her before because he had feelings for her even when he thought she was a he. Turns out Babs didn't want to marry him because he wanted her to quit studying after marriage so the guy married the girl and Babs moved to America. It was a love triangle at it's best.

That's all folks...

XOXO

A Pharisee

I just wrote an entire blog post about how I was the classiest person at Cub Foods tonight even though I was wearing sweatpants and no bra (noting this was to emphasize how trashy everyone else was). Then I remembered Brent's message from yesterday and felt guilty, so I decided not to share my judgments. Anyway, thanks to the Pharisees ruining it for everyone, ya'll miss out on my entertaining story.

Looking Back

I have found that each year at Bethel has been different and unique.

Freshman year: Lots of fun and few responsibilities. It was a time where I still appreciated student life activities. I looked up to the upper classmen and could not imagine ever being that mature. I talked about living a radical life, and giggled with my girlfriends about all of the cute Bethel boys.

Sophomore year: This was a year of trials. I had a difficult living experience my first semester. Like any trying experience, I was refined. I learned the importance of striving to be the same person in the house and out. I also began to develop deeper friendships with fewer people. Second semester I had the chance to live with five other girls who strived to grow closer to the Lord and encouraged me immensely. This was also the year I learned that waitressing was not my life's calling.

Junior year: This may have been my favorite year at Bethel. I really began to grasp who I am. I found myself with a newfound sense of confidence that I hadn't had before. Due to my switching of majors, I had the chance to meet so many new and wonderful people. I fell in and out of crushes with various Bethel boys. I began to focus more on academics because I absolutely loved what I was learning. My main group of girlfriends shifted dramatically. This group of girls helped me draw close to Christ in a different way than my Sophomore girlfriends.

Senior year: To be honest I'm jaded. I don't have the drive to do homework. I only have one roommate. I love her to death, but when she's not here I feel like I don't have anyone to hang out with because the dorm we live in is not very social. When I walk into market (the main student social gathering place) or the library I generally don't recognize a soul. Many of my familiar faces have either graduated or are consumed with the business that comes along with being a senior. I don't know what I will do upon graduation in three months. I'm not sure if I've fully utilized my time at Bethel. I'm sick of people getting engaged. I do not want to be married or engaged right now, but I hate that I cannot relate to what my friends are going through. I feel left out. The thought of graduation makes me sad, exited, scared, empowered, frantic, anxious, grown-up, unprepared, and nervous all at once.

Please pray that I can figure this whole growing up thing out.

Tasting Fall

I didn't really think about fall until yesterday. Usually the start of school gets my mind completely in fall-mode. However, the fact that the first couple weeks of school were completely annoyingly hot gave my mind little room to think about the joys of autumn. Yesterday I was at a bridal shower (big surprise there) and they served pumpkin bars and candy corn. I remember thinking to myself, "hmm, that's weird." Then today I walked past Starbucks on my way out of the mall after work, only to be offered a sample of a Pumpkin Spice Frap. This I took rather eagerly mainly due the fact that I noticed that the sample was mostly filled with whipped topping (yum). I took a sip and that was when I realized that fall is emerging very quickly. To see autumn doesn't do it. I have to experience it. Taste the pumpkin, smell the spiced cider, and feel the crunch of leaves under my feet. I had my first taste of fall today.

Riding the Shuttle

It is raining today, which means I am forced to utilize the shuttle system at Bethel. I was a little hesitant to figure out the shuttle system, because the 10-minute walk each way too and from class is forced exercise. I generally get 40 solid minutes of brisk walking in on week days because of it. I hate to have the convenience of the shuttle system interfere with my daily activity. I would walk because to me it was more convenient than figuring out a new system...basically remembering the times that the shuttle leaves North Village (my apartment) and arrives at the RC steps or the CLC circle (main building). Now that I'm figuring it out, I'm afraid that I will opt for the shuttle route. No, that won't happen. I enjoy brisk walks all to much.

Remembering the Sabbath

I have a pretty good feeling I will be writing a lot about the Sabbath over the next couple of months. I am currently taking a class called Sleep Surrender and Sabbath. I originally signed up for it because it fulfilled one of my last requirements to graduate. I knew I would like it because the ideas of rest and the sabbath are not things I ponder on often. Perhaps they should be.

I started my assigned reading out of a book entitled The Sabbath by Abraham Joshua Heschel. Wow. That's all I can say. Tonight is the first time I have actually sat to think about what the Sabbath truly is, and what it really means to keep it holy. I highly recommend this book. It's only about a hundred pages. It could be read in one sitting. It was published in 1951, therefore it is one of those that has passed the test of time. Being Jewish, Heschel gives wonderful insights into what the Sabbath is. Here are only a few of the passages that I have highlighted in my book:

"Observance of the seventh day is more than a technique of fulfilling a commandment. The Sabbath is the presence of God in the world, open to the soul of man. It is possible for the soul to respond in affection, to enter into fellowship with the consecrated day."

"To the Romans technical civilization was the highest goal, and time for the sake of space. To Rabbi Shimeon spiritual life was the highest gal, and time for the sake of eternity...This, then is the answer to the problem of civilization: not to flee from the realm of space; to work with things of space but to be in love with eternity."

"The faith of the Jew is not a way out of this world, but a way of being within and above this world; not to reject but to surpass civilization. The Sabbath is the day on which we learn the art of surpassing civilization."

Please pick this book up and read it. It will allow you to wrap your mind around the idea of the sabbath.

Staying in

This morning I woke up with all intentions to tackle my first weeks worth of homework. Stephanie and I were going to make pancakes and then be productive after having a busy weekend. We made the pancakes, and sat down to watch some TV while we ate them, and then we stayed there until the fire alarm went off at 7:00 pm. We hustled to blow out our candle (which we are not supposed to have) then hid it and ran outside. We returned to actually do some homework for an hour then headed to cub to buy a brownie mix. We made brownies and sat back down where we had been all day. I am now heading to Vespers just to have a reason to leave the room.

Keep Out

I just realized that the fly on my favorite pair of jeans says, "keep out." That only solidifies the fact that they are my favorite pair of jeans. Perfect.

The StairMaster

Bethel is under construction right now. Luckily, it is no longer outside our bedroom window. Now we can enjoy the pleasant sounds of the trees in the wind instead of "BEEP BEEP BEEP" or "Charlie, hand me that hammer...NO THAT ONE!" or "Charlie got fired." We were not lucky enough, however, to avoid the construction completely. One main passage way leading from the AC building to the CC building is completely covered up. So in order to pass, one is required to go to the basement level because that is the only way through.

The class I TA for is in the CC building on the third floor. My prof sent me to Print Services on two separate occasions. The Print Services office is located on the third floor in the AC Building. This meant that I had to go down three flights of stairs then go about five feet and walk up three flights of stairs, hand Timmy (the boy at Print Services) the paper that needed to be copied, wait and chat with him for a bit, then hop down three flights of stairs, walk five feet, then trek up three flights of stairs. I was required to to that one more time during that class period. I won't even go into how many other times I have climbed the AC stairs...my other two classes are on third floor in the AC.

Now I must grade tests. I feel like I have so much power when I can grade tests.

XOXO

Burn, baby, burn

Our room smells funny. It has since we moved in.

We bought an apple cinnamon plug-it-in thing. However, the one scented object in the outlet in the corner in the room does not give out enough of a scent to overpower or mute the stench of what smells like an old diaper. Bummer.

My mom bought me a candle that was on sale at Target. Do not buy candles on sale at target. They are on sale for a reason. I lit it, and the wick burns faster than the wax melts. So that does not work either. I need to get a candle that burns. We are not supposed to have candles at all because it is apparently a fire hazard. Bahumbug. Our current candle is definitely not a fire hazard because it doesn't burn.

I'm off to my smelly room.

...but there is more...

I'm just going to say that it's been a long day.

I was pretty bored after class. I went to Target, ate dinner, watched TV Land (that's how bored I was). Then around 9 Steph called me to pick her up from class so she didn't have to walk 10 minutes in pitch black. Bethel really needs to get better lighting. It's just not safe. I picked her up, and as I turned around, we hear a "rattle rattle, cktztkes buslksejlaksoi" (that is my car making not good noises). I pull over in front of one of the freshman dorms to find that my exhaust pipe fell off. I am annoyed that my exhaust pipe fell off, but I am even more annoyed that every man - I should say boy because none of them earned the title man from me tonight - I called lacked the willingness to come and help me. Stephanie's boyfriend came and helped us...eventually, but in the mean time we were stranded. Do not think I am a damsel in distress, because I am not. I knew what was wrong: my exhaust pipe fell off. I knew how to fix it: I needed some wire (or a wire hanger) to temporarily tie it up with so it didn't drag on the ground to create sparks. I did not need a man, I needed a wire hanger, but no men could even take the time out of their evenings to deliver one, and Lord knows women don't have women hangers because they do not keep the clothes as nice as plastic or wood hangers. I don't know what I'm more upset about: my stupid car being broken or the Bethel Boys' inability to man up.

I apologize for my mood. It is obviously out of line, and I am sorry. Please pray that I can have a good attitude, and that my car can be fixed very inexpensively. I am broke, and cranky, and want to cry. It's too late in the evening for me to deal with car stuff.

On that note...good night.

...and it continues...

I have officially been to my classes.

The first one is Group Communication. It will be a crazy amount of work and my prof is crazy intimidating. Wish me luck.

The second class is Media Communication. My prof introduced the class by saying, "There is good news and bad news. Bad news: I will be ending class early today. Good news: No final." I have a feeling it will be very hard to force myself to go to class more than once a week. Eh. In this class I answered to the wrong name when he took attendance. He said, "Sarah Weston." And I replied, "It's Sarah Jean." He took note then called the next name, "Sarah Whitson." I replied, "oops that's me. Sarah Jean Whitson. I just thought you pronounced my name wrong." Turns out Sarah Weston sad directly behind me. Why didn't she say anything? Timid, passive people bother me. It's okay, she's a sophomore. She'll figure it out.

Now I'm going to go read my book, because I have no homework. Of course.

Just the beginning...

So I started the first day of school today. I haven't even started classes yet. I have only attended the class that I am TA-ing for: Methods of Communication Research. I love it...it makes me want to go to Grad School. That is a scary thought.

I have a lot of things to comment on already today.

1) The walk from my apartment to class takes over 8 minutes. I will have nice legs by the end of the semester...unless, of course, I decide to give up on this cardio thing and take the shuttle that runs every half hour.

2) I saw a girl that lead on a good friend of mine today. I glared at her, but I think it was too late for her to see. Mean girl.

3) A girl waved at me, and then once she realized that I was not who she thought I was she avoided eye contact. I saw her ten minutes later and she still avoided eye contact. Poor thing.

4) I got lost trying to find the class I TA for. Finally I found a student in the class, who was also late, and he helped me find it. When I walked in Nancy (aka Dr. Brule) asked me to write my contact info on the board then proceded to tell the class that if they wanted to date me that they could get my number/email/PO Box on the board. Perfect. Luckily I knew most the class and they found it as amusing as Nancy did.

5)I walked into Market after Comm Research expecting to sit with Ashley. Then I realized that she graduated. I was very sad.

6) People thought my outfit was cute today...thanks to Mr. Fashion.

7) My coffee date was a half hour late...typical. I sat in Market looking like I had no friends. So I organized my planner and put all of the weddings/showers/engagement parties in. Barf.

More to come as I actually get on with classes.

A Fresh Start

I can't believe it's September. This summer flew by so quickly. Normally I really don't like summer, but I feel like this was a good summer, which is probably why it zipped by without notice.

I like September for many reasons. First, it's where summer hands off it's seasonal duties to fall - my favorite time of the year. Second, it's a new beginning. School starts; a fresh start. I can start new good habits. If I were a smoker, this would be the time I would vow to quit cold-turkey. Instead I am going to commit to exercising more. Please don't ask me how I'm doing with my commitment next time you see me. Finally, Routines pick up again. Ah, routines. I get giddy just thinking about it. The wonder of knowing my schedule off the top of my head. It's heaven!

I've been praying that the Lord would give me more opportunities to auction.

Good news on the auction front! The other day I had a gentleman caller at my apartment at Bethel, but I wasn't around so Steph told him to come back later. He did, later that day, but I still wasn't there - I'm a busy girl, what can I say. Then he came back Saturday night, and I answered the door in my sweatpants and a Cooks of Crocus Hill T-Shirt with my hair in a crooked ponytail. He put out his hand for me to shake it and said, "Sarah, I am Dan. I am an auctioneer and I have wanted to meet you since I read the article about you last semester." I didn't mention the fact that it was Steph who wrote it. I was taken back. He is a junior at Bethel. I welcomed him in and we chatted for a bit. I told him that I mainly do benefit auctions, and he said that there is one in November and he would like me to do it with him! It's black tie. How fun is that?! Then he asked if I would ever consider doing any auctions other than benefit. I said that I would, but I haven't had any opportunity. He then explained that he works for an antique auction company and that they were short staffed! He's going to call his boss for me. Praise the Lord! Then the next morning, I got an email from my professor saying that she wanted to plan an auction to raise money to send students to the next CSCA conference in St. Louis. God is good.

I love fall. I am so happy school is starting tomorrow. I'm a nerd.

Side note: I hope I'm as good looking as Cindy McCain when I'm her age. Both Candidates have very beautiful wives, but only one candidate has a beautiful VP! No offense to Biden.

Oh Snap.

I am in the midst of moving into my apartment at Bethel. It's big, clean, on campus, and smells just a touch...nothing that an air wick won't fix. Stephanie's brothers, dad and grandma came in from Chicago to help her move in. Families are always funny. They are going to the state fair today, however my ovaries are hindering me from going today. Lame. So I am going to stay and finish unpacking. There is no shame in that.

I have unpacked some of my books that I want to read this semester in my down time (if I ever have any). Speaking of books, I went and bought books for one class: $85. I charged it to my student account. I figure I'll pay it off later in loans. Eh. I am holding off on buying books for my other classes though. I have a feeling I will be able to borrow them from people. If all else fails, I will flirt with the sophomore boys and set up a study date...and by study date I clearly mean I will walk over to their dorm to pick up their book.

I bought new jeans the other day. I have come to realize that I buy heels a lot. However, I have a couple pairs of 4-inch heels that are too casual to wear with anything other than jeans and, since I hem all of my jeans, I don't have any that are long enough for 4-inch heels. So I found these jeans at H&M, but the only pair they had in my size were missing a snap on one of the back pockets. No biggie, they gave me a discount so I got them for $17. Rock on. So I went to the fabric store today to pick up new snaps designed for jeans and overalls. They're not super cute, but they'll do. As I began my crafty adventure, Stephanie's grandma, who is short and has a thick German accent, stopped me and took over the task. She's a little intense. She showed me how to take the other part of the old snap off the jeans, but wouldn't let me finish it. She wanted to do it, until she decided she couldn't finish it. At that point she handed the jeans off to Elliot, Steph's boyfriend, because he is stronger. It was a snap! Then she gave me very specific directions to sew the hole up very small before I inserted the new snap. She also told me I was not allowed to try to remove the snap from the other pocket because I would break it. Please remember this was all in a German accent. I wanted my snaps to match, so after she left, I did the other side. (Evil laugh). They look good.

Grandma's are wonderful. I will miss mine....and Stephanie's.

Well, off to unpack!

My achy brakey...neck, back, head...body

I think I'm getting old. Everything aches. I really just need to get fit.

The new school year is starting on Tuesday. I like school because it adds another "beginning." You know, "beginnings" like new years, birthdays, Mondays, and back to school. This will be a perfect time for me to get fit (which exactly what I said last Sunday night about Monday morning, but eh). Really I'm serious about this though, because I just feel icky. I've got the eating healthy down, but the consistency with exercise tends to kill me. Wish me luck.

I am almost completely packed for school. I'm moving in Tomorrow night (Friday). I am very excited because I miss living with someone my own age. Stephanie is great. Not only is she fun and drama-free, but we maintain equal levels of cleanliness. This is something I look for in a roommate, and I will eventually look for in a mate. I have had almost 20 different roommates...hang on let me count...okay I apologize, 18 roommates in the past three years. I have found that the people who work best are people who are drama-free and are as clean as me. I'm not looking for a neat-freak, because I am not a neat-freak myself. I keep things orderly and pleasing to the eye, but I am okay with taking my pants off in the middle of the room and leaving them there for two days. I'm not looking for perfection, just someone who is a the same level of cleanliness as me. Stephanie has achieved this. She washes her dishes immediately after she uses them. She apologizes if her stuff is messy (which it doesn't bother me that it's messy, because I realize she is super busy, but I appreciate that she is concerned about how I feel). She keeps organized messes (say she has 15 book about Frued on her desk, they placed in a structured pile, maybe two so they don't fall over). She can't work in a mess, so oftentimes before she has to write a huge paper or column she will clean up her stuff. I do the same. Plus she keeps decorations to a minimum: chic and tasteful. But besides all of this, I like her just because she is wonderful. So I am very much looking forward to moving in and getting settled.

I have this old chair with claw feel that I absolutely love and I wanted to bring to school. The problem is that there is a slit on the arm and hay was sticking out of it. Yes, hay. It was an older chair and was apparently stuffed with hay. This has been a problem that has bothered me for almost 10 years now so two days ago my inner Martha Stewart got to work. I sewed a patch on to it with a really eclectic piece of fabric and some embroidery floss with a thick needle. I wanted to use embroidery floss instead of thread because I wanted it to be kitcy and noticeable. Usually when I do crafts - especially in the evening - I get uber frusterated and give up or mess up. This project, on the other hand, worked! It's pretty cute, and I am pretty stoked. Yay!

I have more to say, but I'll save it because I am tired and I have to work in the morning.

Sweet Dreams, my chickens.

P.S. My mom got me a "where the wild things are" t-shirt like the one that the high bum with the mandolin had on when he played one of his original songs for Anna and me. I'm pretty happy about it.

packing

As the summer draws to a close, I am finding myself just as busy as ever. This is the time every summer that I generally find myself getting antsy and ready to begin my routined life as a full-time student. Nothing is different about this summer, I am still anxious to be back in the classroom. Maybe not so much to be in class, but rather to see all my dear friends at Bethel. Most of all, I cannot wait to move in with Steph. I am very much looking forward to a very low-key year with only one roommate. I love having roommates, but I hate having one bathroom and five other girls to share it with. It will be nothing less than glorious to share a bathroom with only one other. Plus, she is fantastic.

I began to feel the urge to blog as I was sitting in front a heap of clothes on the floor at my parents' house. My goal for the evening is to sort through them, yet again, and really decide what I need with me at school and what I should donate to Salvation Army. I did this at the beginning of the summer to make it easy on me now, but now I have forgotten what is in the large rubbermaid container, and I feel as though it is necessary for me to filter through them again. I want to have as little as possible. And as this task struck me as daunting, I felt I must focus my attention elsewhere. Who knows if I will get to it tonight, or whether I will just do it when I'm unpacking it at school. Actually, now that I mention it, that I may be the best idea. I can just bring what I don't need home. Eh. I am now satisfied.

XOXO

such great television

Oh I have a Gloria for ya'll. These will be more few and far between, as I head back to school and will not see her as often.

We were sitting at breakfast the other day, and all of a sudden she got really giddy (picture old people giddy, it's quite funny) and said, "There is going to be such good television these next couple weeks. First, with the Democratic convention and then...the Republican convention!" She said it as though the past couple weeks there has been nothing good on. Olympics? What's that? No, no, no...only the national conventions for this political junkie.

Also, might I add, I noticed yesterday morning that sitting on the table next to the dining room table was a map. Not just any map, but one with just the United States. Most of the middle states were colored red (with the exception of MN), and the states on the coast were blue. You guessed it. She has a map in her dining room showing with states are Democratic and which states are Republican.

Oh Gloria.

I am about to finish the book my aunt suggested I read. The Shack. It's a Christian Novel. It's not a great literary read, but it does put a different light on God. It paints a picture of the trinity in a way that one can comprehend. So in that sense it has been good. I have heard that it has been controversial, but I one goes into it, knowing it's only a novel and not Biblical truth, I think it's fine. Once I finish it I'm going to pick up The Bell Jar and hopefully finish it this time. Otherwise I need to read Twilight before the movie comes out. The fact that it is a vampire romance book, really makes me not want to read it, however my dear friends from Bare Escentuals say I must. I can't knock it until I read it.

Needless to say, I have too much to read to watch all the great television these next couple of weeks.

the queen bee

I feel as though many of my posts have been so similar this summer...full of busy-ness. You may call me the busy bee, or queen bee if you prefer. I think I would prefer queen bee. All of my thoughts are buzzing around my head too quickly to even be accounted for. Every time I even think of logging on to blog I get stuck because my mind doesn't have the slightest clue where to begin. it is as if it were clogged with honey (as I weakly extend this bee metaphor). Oy vay.

I sort of wonder when I will crash and burn. I feel as though it is inevitable, so therefore I must prepare myself for the event. I sleep, work, internship, sleep, work, socialize, crazily try to figure out my life after college, sleep, work, internship, feel bad for not staying in touch with friends, sleep, go, go, go dog go. Please note that the sleep in this sequence does not indicate napping. No, no, no. Napping does not fit in my schedule, however I did have one nap last week, and it was wonderful. The sleep merely indicates a break between two days. I enjoy being busy, but I wonder what I am not focusing on that deserves my attention. I need a break.

I will post as I begin to clear my head, and figure out the mess inside it.

The Old Rugged Cross

I live with my grandma. My grandpa, who is 90, is living in a nursing home nearby. My grandma visits him a couple of days each week. She says it's too much to visit him every day, which I can understand.

Mac, my grandpa, has Alzheimer's and he often can't remember things. Recently it has gotten much worse. The other day my grandma showed up at the nursing home and he was holding someone else's hand. My grandma, in a rather lighthearted manner, asked the nurse if she should be jealous. The nurse chuckled softly and replied, "He thinks she is you." My grandma played it off alright, but I ache for her. I can't imagine seeing my soul-mate holding someone else's hand. I want to cry just thinking about it.

Today my grandma had a hard day too. It started out that the people who owned her nail salon were evicted so she couldn't get her acrylics filled. That is better off anyway because they were not sanitary at all. However, then she went to the nursing home to have lunch with grandpa Mac. She now has to feed him when she's there. It is all very sad for her to see. I'm not sure what he does the days that she doesn't visit. Does he just not eat? I don't know. Having Alzheimer's, he often repeats things every couple minutes. Today's phrases were more somber than others. He cried as he would say things like, "You may not see me again," or, "I will not be here long." My grandma would reply, "Mac, we don't know that for sure, but if that's so, I'll see you in heaven." Then he would smile.

Please pray for them. Pray that Gloria (my grandma) will be given the strength and comfort she needs to survive, and pray that the Lord will take Mac home. The Old Rugged Cross is Mac's favorite song.

answers

I truly wish I had all of the right answers. About God that is. Here's the deal. I know Him, I believe in Him, and it's not just because I grew up believing in Him. But how can I explain that to someone? Yesterday someone who believes in God, but is still trying to figure it all out picked my brain. It all was a blur and I do not remember much of what he said or how I responded, but I was ashamed much of the conversation.

Him: How would you explain to someone that your God exists?
Me: Eh?
Him: Ok, what makes you think your God exists?
Me: Well, it is evident to me that evil exists, and I have witnessed God counter act it...
(Okay, for the record this was a terrible answer, and he called me on it...embarrassing. Being put on the spot stinks)

This evening went on with questions like this. Questions that tested my faith, as he tried to strengthen his. My answers became better throughout the evening (credit for this can only go to God, because these debates are not in my skill-set), especially as I began to see what the root of the problem was for him: Christians (or the ones he knows) go to church on Sunday, but other than that their lives don't seem different from non-Christians, yet they are quick to judge. GRRR! That makes me so mad.

I explained that Christians SHOULD love the Lord their God with all they have, and second to love others as they love themselves. Unfortunately, just because they are Christians doesn't mean they automatically do that. I apologized for those who have misrepresented Christ, and for me misrepresenting Christ DAILY! I'm giving him a copy of Letters to a Skeptic by Greg Boyd...He tends to have a way with some of these answers.

Please pray that this man will see God the way He ought to be seen. Pray that he will see Christians that act the way Christians ought to act...like Christ. Pray that he will see the appeal in Christ as he observes Christ lived out in others' lives. Just pray. Pray that we will all be bold in our faith to preach the word, because it is the TRUTH and because those who don't know Him need to.

tired

Wow, just as I began to type I had a huge sneeze. Gross.

I am tired, but I have a lot on my mind.

1) Just read an article on Andy Wiersma. Read it. How do you want to be remembered? I would love to get to my dying day and be remembered as the girl who stayed late to bring a disabled person home. Just a specific example of something he did, but I am too selfish to do. How can I display Christ day in and day out? Deep.

2) I am convinced China is cheating. The little gymnastics girls are totally not 16. I hope their gold medal is taken away (assuming someone can prove that I am right)!

3) I heard someone on Fox News quote the National Inquirer as a source today. I laughed out loud. It's good to know they have credible information.

4) I went to Lake Harriet to read my book/listen to music. It rained, but I stayed to watch the rain pour down. It was all worth it for the rainbow.

5) God is good.

Good night, love.

Oy Vey...

"Oy vey!" Those of you who know me well, know that this is a phrase that is well integrated into my vocabulary. I will now give you some was to work it into our every day lingo (courtesy of urban dictionary).

1) Yiddish: short for "Oy vey iz mir," Oh, woe is me!
Today's only Tuesday? I thought it was Friday! Oy vey!!!!"

2) Jewish exasperated exclamation
I have tons of homework tonight! Oy vey!

3) Yiddish for "oh woe", a Jewish expression often of frustration, but also of excitement.
Oy vey, it's Friday.

4) Another way to say, Oh boy or Oh my goodness.
Ov vey, you got caught speeding, again.

5) A form and phrase of astonishment for people of Jewish descent. Also refers to excitement of a half price off sale or any other type of discount on useless yet cheap items.Along with excitement to sales and bargains, the term "oy vey!" can also associate with a negative excitement such as an outrageously overpriced item.
Pat:Look guys there's sale at Urban Outfitters!!!
Matt:Pat! Shame on you! Those prices in their are definately outrageous! Oy vey!!!
Mike:Yeah Pat I'm with Matt on this one,oy vey indeed!

6) Schwytzer Düütsch (Swiss German) (heard it said in and around the German-speaking parts of Switzerland. Who knows, could be the Jewish influence...): oh no!
(Sitting with a group of friends in the local pub and someone you all don't really want to see walks in): Oy vey! Haascht gesehe' wer reinkommt, Gel?

Also, I must post one definition given for the word "Oy"

1) something to say to get attention when everyone is talking over you
Students: Why does mrs nash go oy whenever she calls us?

Mrs. Nash: OY!
Students: yes miss?

...okay, two definitions for "O"

2) "the funniest word ever" according to Lorelai on Gilmore Girls.
Oy, with the poodles already!

Water

Nothing soothes me like water. People wouldn't write songs like "Peace like a River" if water weren't so...well, peaceful. Today I found myself driving around with the unquenchable need for peace. I wished I was up near Bethel where there are public lakes on every corner, but I was in Bloomington where there are lakes, but none that I can just go and sit at and pray, read, think, etc. I settled for praying in the car and then heading to my house to read in my wonderfully wooded back yard while listening to a variety of intstrumental folk. My soul is at peace.

Comb-over

I have finally been able to partake in one of my favorite events of the summer...music at the Lake Harriet Bandstand! It's held every night at 7:30, except Sundays where they have a show at 2 and another at 5 or something like that. Anyway, last summer I was able to go quite often, and this summer I had the intention to do the same. However, it has been a very busy summer and I had not had the chance until last Friday where I went with a couple girlfriends to watch musicians who are apart of the Minnesota Association of Songwriters. Very chill, and wonderful. Tonight I went with Laura and my brother to watch the Bend in the River Big Band play a wide variety of Swing and Jazz. That was also very enjoyable. My nights at Lake Harriet make me very happy and at peace.

Lake Harriet is an awesome place to people-watch because there are hippies of all ages uniting for free music. Tonight, we saw a very unfortunate event. There was an old man in a rocking lawn chair (this looked like a regular folding lawn chair except that the legs were connected by a curved bar allowing it to rock...so it's exactly what it sounds like). He was sitting next to two women, one of which was in a regular folding lawn chair and the other in a rocking lawn chair. This detail is of no consequence, however I was intrigued by the existence of a rocking lawn chair. The crime was that the poor old man's comb-over was no longer combed-over. His bald head was exposed, and attached to it was a large chunk of hair free-flowing in the summer wind. I felt bad laughing, but it was a crucial point at which to laugh.

Next time we're bringing wine...

Sie haben Uber Kommen

I couldn't think of a heading for this post. This is "you have arrived" in German. I only know, because when my mom and I were in Nashville, we tried using our GPS as it spoke auf Deutsch.

Sometimes I have too many thoughts to successfully put them in what would seem to be a coherent paragraph.

Oswald Chambers had something wonderful to say today, as usual. I won't give ya'll the whole thing, just blurbs.

...We have the idea that God is leading us toward a particular end or a desired goal, but He is not...His purpose is for me to depend on Him and on His power now. If I can stay calm, faithful, and unconfused while in the middle of the turmoil of life, to goal of the purpose of God is being accomplished in me...It is the process, not the outcome that is glorifying to God...

It sort of reminds me of what Spencer said yesterday about being meek (not mousey meets weak). We are submissive under God's power daily.

I like that.

Also, I really appreciate Neil Young. Although his out spoken liberal views drive me absolutely nuts, his music puts me at ease in a way no other music does. Especially his Harvest Moon Album

21

My friend, John, was trying to explain to another friend and myself that you change a lot in college, which I totally agree with. Then he said that his life has changed significantly since he turned 21 (which was like 3 months ago). At the time I was like, "No way, life doesn't change much, you're just saying that because now you don't need a fake to buy your beloved bud light." Bud light...gross, I know.

It has been about a week since John said that to me, and I have found myself meditating on the idea of life changing after my 21st birthday. And you know what?!? It has changed a lot in a 2 month period. I guess I always associated 21 with drinking obviously because it is the legal drinking age. However, the changes that have occurred have nothing to do with drinking. And now I realize that he was not referring to his ability to legally consume alcohol, but rather something much deeper.

I don't even know if I will be able to successfully explain this because so much of it has to do with the way I feel rather than physical changes. I'm going to try anyway:
~ I saw a huge spider and didn't scream...I just squished it.
~ People who are 25, 26, 27, 28 years old feel like peers to me rather than someone who was a high schooler when I was in Jr. High.
~ For one of the first times in my life, I am almost completely satisfied with my body the way it is even though it isn't at its most fit.
~ I feel suffocated at the idea of marriage straight after college, unlike many of my peers at Bethel.
~ I know that two glasses of wine is too much.
~ I'm getting along with all of my siblings.
~ I'm broke.
~ My parents seem to be right all the time...well, most of the time.
~ I second guess everything that I'm involved in from church, to school, to relationships, to my career, to whatever else exists.
~ I watch the news at breakfast (that is partially because I live with my grandma).

Gosh, the list could go on. I think I'm growing up. It's the weirdest sensation, and I am slightly frustrated that the English vocabulary lacks the words to describe it. If anyone can come up with the PERFECT word. I will promise to love you forever.

I apologize that this post doesn't do justice to what is really going on inside my head. If I could express it, I would, but I can't.

Goodnight, moon.

home

Well, I'm home again.

Nashville was wonderful.
The music was wonderful...Grand Ole Opry, The Ryman, and other various establishments along the Broadway strip.
The food was not too bad either. I think I had pulled pork more times this week than in my entire life. However, Ben (yes, I'm talking straight to you), I regret to say that I think my dad's BBQ is better than Jack's. Don't get me wrong, it was wonderful, but it had some tough competition.
The conference was AMAZING. I don't think many people understand how much I love being an auctioneer. It's not just some ole job, it's who I am. It was fantastic being constantly surrounded with people who understand my passion for auctioneering. It seems weird to people who aren't a part of the business, I understand, but ya'll must know I love it.

Bid it on now...

itchy

I slept with a mosquito last night. I have to say that it is by far the worst feeling in the whole wide world. Most of the little itchy bumps are on my feet. Grrr. For some reason that is the worst spot to have a mosquito bite, maybe it's because you have to bend over everytime you want to itch it. Anyway, I couldn't sleep, so I woke up and typed "mosquito bites" into google to find some home remedy for itch-relief, because I guarentee you that my grandma doesn't have an anti-itch cream that is from anytime after the 80s. Seriously, everything in her medicine cabinet is near antique.

I was just about to explain how in researching the remedies I heard an annoying little buzzing noise, but as I began to type it the little beast decided to snack on my foot again. I killed it this time. He was a warrior though. I am itchy and annoyed nonetheless.

Tubby

Ellie will not stop baking. I'm not sure if I'm upset about it or happy. There is a good and bad to everything.

Ellie's baking: good vs. bad...
Good: She may be the best baker in the world.
Bad: She does not eat many of her own baking products...apparently baking them satisfies her need for something sweet.
Good: That means more for me.
Bad: That means more for me. My little sister, who is already a half foot taller than me, is trying to make me fat. Hence the Tubby title. eh.

I wish I had an auction coming up.

I have my first conference call today for my job. I feel so grown up.

Now, I am going to go sit in my porch and enjoy the sunshine with a cookie, a diet coke, and my Beth Moore Bible Study. I love my days off!

Crazy Busy

I have been so busy that I haven't had a moment to breath. That's the way summer goes I guess. Internship, homework, Bare Escentuals, homework, Church, homework, coffee dates, homework. That's about it. I do love my Gender Communication class - trust me I could use the help - but at the same time, it will be nice when it's over and I can read an easy beach novel (like you're supposed to do in the summer). Needless to say, I'm truckin'...barely.

DMV

I hate the DMV. It's like the entire system around the DMV is set up to frustrate people. I had to go renew my driver's license today. I know, I know, my birthday was in May, but my mom told me that they would send me a notice to renew my license and that I couldn't get it done with out it. Well, they never sent me a notice, so I went in today to get it renewed - seeing as my license has been expired for nearly a month. Anyway, here's what happened...it is so typical:

I showed up, and noticed I was the only car in the lot. Score! No picking a number, and not waiting. It wasn't even closed. I thought that the gods were smiling on me today. However I was wrong. On the door it stated "We do not accept credit cards." Who the hell doesn't accept credit cards? Don't people usually just not accept checks? Anyway, I found a local ATM, but it wouldn't accept my pin number. So then I drove to Wells Fargo and got some cash to pay for it. By the time I got back to the DMV, a whole slew of cars had pulled up, and I was forced to pick a number. The number thing said 25, and I had picked 31. So I waited, and waited and waited. Then it was my turn, and nothing went wrong, but the idea of the DMV just annoys me. My picture is kind of nice, and I am now an organ doner (three snaps for Sarah Jean)!

I needed to get my tabs renewed too, but I couldn't afford to renew both today. I hate being broke. Yuck.

If I had to choose between going to the dentist or the DMV, I would choose the dentist hands down. At least they have fish and magazines while you wait.

Hungry

I do enjoy living with my grandma. Fox News is always on. I have never before in my life been so up to date on politics. It's all she talks about. So if I spew my political opinion, please note that it is my grandma's. Side note: I have a George W. Bush calendar in my room. Anyway, she is great company. Plus she tells me funny stories from her life. Maybe I'll post those sometime.

Like every good thing there is a "but" to this matter. So here it goes:

I love my grandma and I like living with her, but there I am so hungry. Don't get me wrong, we do have breakfast together every morning which usually consists of cereal or toast with fresh fruit and coffee. I think that is the only meal she eats though. There is very little food in her pantries. I went to make dinner tonight and I looked for something easy to make like packaged noodles, soup, pizza, etc. Then I realized that she had bread so I went to make a grilled cheese sandwich, but the cheese was moldy. Then I noticed she had rye, corned beef, and thousand island dressing and I got excited because I love reubens. But the corned beef expired a week ago and I remembered that she brought a reuben dip to Easter so I figured it was all pretty old. Then she had egg beaters - you know, the fake egg in a carton - I thought I could settle for fake scrambled eggs. Then as the pan was heating up, I realized she had no Pam to spray the pan with (it was not a nonstick pan). So I got in my car and went to Lunds. I got out of my car, stood up, realized that I have spent nearly $40 on food this past week - obviously because my grandma has no food - I sat back in my car and drove to my parents house to eat a black bean burger on an english muffin. Ufda.

School's out for the summer...sort of.

I handed in my last final on Wednesday night. What have I been doing with my summer thus far? Let me tell you...

1) I worked...once. I go back again tonight, but for the most part I will be working very little this summer.
2) I went back to Bethel...twice, in three days. And because I still have to pay a bill there and register for another class for the fall, I will be back again soon, no doubt.
3) I got a new low E string for my autoharp. Good news though. I just assumed that I would have to get the entire thing restrung, but apparently autoharp strings don't stretch the way guitar strings do, so unless they snap (which they shouldn't), I don't need to replace them. What I thought would be $100 ended up being $1.49, and my mom paid for it! I plan on getting really good on the autoharp this summer.
4) I organized my life. Seriously, it's beautiful. I can not function when things are all over the place. I went through all of my clothes and split them into piles: fall (bring to school in August), fall/winter (for later in the fall), summer must-haves (things I will keep at my Grandmas with me this summer), summer I-might-want-at-some-points (things that I will keep at home where they are out of the way and yet easy to access), donate, and wash. AMAZING. I also organized/threw away all of my nick-nacks. I hate having unnecessary stuff around. Basically I am set for this summer, and when I need to move back to Bethel in the fall all I need to do is grab my pre-packed bins of "school stuff" and go. You have no idea how good it feels!
5) I bought my books for my summer class. One on Amazon and one at Borders. I haven't recieved the one from Amazon yet, but I absolutely love the book I got from Borders. I'm taking Gender Communication and my prof had us get America's Women: 400 years of Dolls, Drudges, Helpmates and Heroines by Gail Collins. I started it, and by started it I mean I read the introduction. Anyway, I like her style of writing, plus it puts together history, which I love, and women, which I happen to be one, so that is wonderful. I was really tempted to e-mail Dr. Brule (aka Nancy) and ask her to post her syllabus online so I could start my readings. But then I thought that was a little too nerdy, even for me.

Wow...Quite the update. Real quick...I move into my grandma's house this week. Why? Because I have no bedroom at home, and my parents would have put me in the garage again. Also because my grandpa is now in the nursing home, and my grandma needs company. It should be nice.

Until next time,
Sarah Jean

Garden Salsa Sun Chips...

I love them a lot. They are so tasty. It's like chips and salsa minus the dipping step.

I'm coming up on finals here. Honestly, all of my finals were canceled, and that is pretty nice. I just have to edit my final paper..yet again, and write my philosophy of forgiveness. I am struggling keeping myself focussed just because there is so little that I have to do, but I'll get 'er done.

I went to Mason City, IA today and saw a cell phone store called Cell-U-Byte. Gross.

His Eye is on the Sparrow...

You've got to love lessons in faith. And by "got to love" I really mean...grrrr! My life has been full of things I am forced to trust God with lately.

Something you must know about me is that I like to have everything under control: my school work, my love life (or lack there of), my career, my family, my meals, my steering wheel, my make up (seriously, I hate having others do my make up, because I know exactly how I want it)...you get the picture.

Here's what is going on...
1) My dad has been out of a job since December. He is so smart, and wonderful and would be a great asset to any company, but it is one of those things where nothing has come through the way it ought. You know how you get to a certain point in something where it's out of your hands and you just need to trust God with it. Well, that's how it has been with this job search. We cannot doubt that it's in God's timing, but we're just so frustrated that his timing is so much longer than ours. Grrr.

2) Much less significant: I have been working on a group project for my senior project. Group project. Enough said. It is so hard to give out tasks and trust that they will be done and they will be done well. Here's the thing...I have an awesome group, and I love them so dearly. They always do what I ask, and they do it well. They just don't do it how I had visualized it in my mind, and I get frustrated. I hate having to trust others sometimes. Well, we're almost done.

3) I'm graduating soon....What on earth is in store for me? I have seen first hand how competitive the job market is, and it stresses me out.

4) The list continues with a series of personal and other insignificant things that I allow myself to worry about....

The other day I was researching stories behind various hymns to share on my radio show, and I came across the story for His Eye is on the Sparrow. Basically the woman who wrote it in the 1910ish era had a friend who was bedridden for many years who was married to a paralyzed man. When she asked this couple how they coped with their life of pain and affliction, the woman answered, "His eye is on the sparrow, and I know he watches me."

It is my favorite hymn now...

Why should I feel discouraged, why should the shadows come,
Why should my heart be lonely, and long for heaven and home,
When Jesus is my portion? My constant friend is He:
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

Refrain

I sing because I’m happy,
I sing because I’m free,
For His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.

“Let not your heart be troubled,” His tender word I hear,
And resting on His goodness, I lose my doubts and fears;
Though by the path He leadeth, but one step I may see;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

Refrain

Whenever I am tempted, whenever clouds arise,
When songs give place to sighing, when hope within me dies,
I draw the closer to Him, from care He sets me free;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

Refrain

Gracious Uncertainty...

My Utmost for His Highest was good today. I am going to share it with you....

Gracious Uncertainty
By Oswald Chambers

"...it has not yet been revealed what we shall be..." 1 John 3:2

Our natural inclination is to be so precise - trying always to forecast accurately what will happen next - that we look upon uncertainty as a bad thing. We think that we must reach some predetermined goal, but that is not hte nature of the spiritual life. The nature of the spiritual life is that we are certain in our uncertainty. Consequently, we do not put down roots. Our common sense says, "Well, what if I were in that circumstance?" We cannot presume to see ourselves in any circumstance in which we have never been.
Certainty is the mark of the commonsense life - gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, not knowing what tomorrow may bring. This is generally expressed with a sigh of sadness, but it should be an expression of breathless expectation. We are uncertain of the next step, but we are certain of God. As soon as we abandon ourselves to God and do the task He has placed closest to us, He begins to fill our lives with surprises. When we become simply a promoter or a defender of a particular belief, something within us dies. That is not believing God - it is only believing our belief about Him. Jesus said, "...unless you...become as little children..." (Matthew 18:3). The spiritual life is the life of a child. We are not uncertain of God, just uncertain of what He is going to do next. If our certainty is only in our beliefs, we develop a sense of self-righteousness, become overly critical, and are limited by the view that our beliefs are complete and settled. But when we have the right relationship with God, life is full of spontaneous, joyful uncertainty and expectancy. Jesus said, "...believe also in me" (John 14:1), not, "Believe certain things about me." Leave everything to Him and it will be gloriously and graciously uncertain how He will come in - but you can be certain that He will come. Remain Faithful to him.




I love this book...If you don't have it...Get it!

Down right busy...

I am so busy. Don't get me wrong, I like it, but being busy takes so much time.

I've been working a lot, of course. What's new? I like my job...enough.

I started my internship at Cooks of Crocus Hill.
It's pretty great. I get to proof read things, which I absolutely love.
The only problem is that I always get so hungry because everything I read there is about food.
Yesterday I just sent out mailings. I got to mail one to Garrison Keiller though. That was cool.

I've been super busy working on my senior research project.
We are ALMOST DONE!
I honestly don't know how much I can take.
Monday I cried because I did the APA wrong.
It was sad, but then my wonderful group bought me ice cream.
I'm okay now.

I'm looking forward to a break...someday.

A blustery day...

I went to Caribou today with Stephanie to work on homework. Always a good idea, right? Generally we don't get much accomplished, but it seemed like a good day to get a nice cool beverage. So anyway, we're sitting there when all of a sudden we look out the window to find that there is a metal shopping cart cruising through the parking lot. No one is pushing it. It is being moved only by wind power. It was super windy today...so windy that I had to walk backwards at times. Anyway, by this time everyone in Caribou has fixed their eyes upon the magic metal cart, most of us laughing at the thought of it coming from no where. Once it moved out of my sight, I got up to watch it roll through the lot. Just as I get out of my seat, someone said, "What if it hits a car?...haha." That's when I notice it is going full speed right towards the shaggin wagon. For those of you who do not know, the "shaggin wagon" is my 1992 Honda Accord Station Wagon. Then smack! And I say, "Damnit, it was my car!" So I go outside to check out the new dent on my car and move the grocery cart to a safe and not-so-windy spot.

Then I laughed at what had just happend. Life happens.

Help me please

I am doing my senior research project on how people present themselves online and how they percieve the honesty of others online, specifically how it relates to online dating services...PLEASE FILL OUT THIS SURVEY. Obviously, we are trying to collect data from people who have used online dating services, but anyone can fill out our survey. If you know anyone who uses online dating services, please e-mail them the link. The survey takes seriously 3 minutes.

http://CTLSilhouette.wsu.edu/surveys/ZS77593

I'm sorry I can't figure out how to link it so you may need to copy and paste.


Thanks ya'll.

Sarah Jean

Bob the Builder

Bethel is building a new student center. This is not a new venture; the project started at the beginning of August. I have kept very close tabs on this project because it is directly outside my window.

This entire year I have been awakened to the lovely sounds of big construction machinery backing up. You know the sound: BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP. It's like setting an alarm for 6:45 every morning but NEVER being able to turn it off!

It has been getting progressively more awkward as the student center has been built from the ground up. They are currently working on the third level, which happens to be at eye level with my apartment. I have to make sure my blinds are closed when I get dressed, which is kind of annoying because I would much prefer to have my windows wide open when I'm naked.

Sometimes we watch them. I know that sounds creepy, and rightfully so. It's called procrastination though. We have even named some of them. There is one construction worker with an especially nice jaw line who we have named Jack. Today Jack realized that we were watching them and then he dropped his hat...twice. Turns out he has quite the receding hairline.

Keep reading for more updates on the Bethel Student Center.

Shhhhhhh...

Please read this entire post in a whisper...

I am in the Bethel Library. I have been in this library more this week than the rest of the year combined. I have found that I can actually focus here. Crazy thought, right? The only things I have to distract me are facebook, e-harmony, and this blog, but I've had quite a bit of self-control up until this post. Well, I've looked through a few wedding albums of friends on facebook, but other than that I've been pretty good.

I'm working on putting together a poster presentation for the CSCA conference next weekend. Then once I finish that, I have to work on editing the literature review for my senior research project and also write up a second lit review for another class, but on the same topic. LAME. This semester is almost over. I just need to focus...focus, focus, focus.

Did I mention that my senior research project is a group project? I love my group, but I hate the idea of group projects. No matter how cohesive a group is, the project will still be 10X more work than an individual project. Yay, for being a Com major. Ey yi yi yi yi.

Okay, but seriously, I need to get to work....

The Official International Accent Bible Reading Day...

I read Philippians to Stephanie today in an Irish accent. Not all of Philippinas, just a couple verses. I wanted to do it in an English accent because Paul wrote "...indeed, he was ill..." and it made me think of Mr. Darcy for some reason. It just came out wrong.

Spencer is doing a three week series on joy at Evergreen Bloomington, and he's heading through Philippians (in an American accent).

Yuck...

Yuck is the only word that I can think of right now. If you could see outside my window at this very second you would understand. Yuck. I hate that it is snowing. When I woke up this morning and looked out the window it wasn't snowing, so I thought to myself "Ha! Sven was wrong, it is not as crappy as he lead on." But now I suppose the little man was right all along. Yuck.

I got an internship! I will be doing PR/marketing for a small company called Cooks of Crocus Hill. They are a cooking store that holds cooking classes on Grand Avenue and 50th & France. It's unpaid, but it's great experience. I'm pretty stoked.

Also, I just booked another benefit auction for the end of May. More details to follow. I love auctioneering!

It's weird to be back at a Bethel. I can't quite describe why, but it just is.

I miss Jenna Cordova. She comes back from Uganda in a month!!!

It's still snowing...Yuck.

Recovery

I spent 35+ hours on a greyhound this week.








Cedarville was...well, I can't decide what word I want to use to describe it. I hate when that happens. Anyway, it was good to see Tory, especially since I've only seen her a good handful of times since I left the ville. I got to see all my wonderful girls for the first time since I left, and that was wonderful. It feels like everyone is either engaged or married. Barf. I'm happy for them. The whole experience was just weird.

I'm still catching up on sleep...

Grace...

I just got pulled over. Literally like 30 minutes ago. I didn't cry though, which you must know is an accomplishment.

Here's the thing...
I generally try to stay to the speed limit, unless of course I get distracted. This happens quite often. Usually when I'm bid-calling or singing. Tonight, I was praying.

What cop is going to believe that though,
"I'm sorry officer, but I was so caught up in prayer that I just lost track of my speed." (wink).
So I skipped that act and just said,
"Yes, I know why you pulled me over. I was speeding...quite a bit." It was 73 in a 55. Oops.

Anyway, the young officer had mercy on me and let me off with a warning and a citation that said I didn't have a valid proof of insurance on me, but I can call the number on the back of the sheet in a week and everything will be stricken from my record.

Praise the Lord!

Bangs

Yesterday was one of those days.

Let me remind you that I was still holding on selfishly to the tail end of my laryngitis.

I went to work. No big deal, because its work and I like it there.

However after work I went to Nordstroms to pick up a pair of jeans for my roommate that she was getting hemmed. When I gave the lady at Nordstroms her name, she could not find any trace of "Emily Rice"...but of course. I gave her other various names that are somehow connected to Emily, but none of them were attached to a pair of Sevens. They lost her jeans, but I think we'll be able to figure it out. The sales lady was super helpful throughout the whole process.

Then I walked around the mall and attempted to shop, but all of the lines were too long so I left.

I went out to my car and tried to turn the key and.....nothing. I did it again....nothing.....nothing....nothing....damn. So I called my dad who told me it was fine and that I should call AAA. So I called AAA and gave them my member number and the lady on the phone said, "Oh, well it looks like your membership was cancelled last June." Then I said, "Well, on my card it says it expires in June of 2008, and I guess I just don't understand how that can be." (please note that it was not in a sweet tone of voice, but rather in a tone that expressed "what the hell"). She knew just how to handle this situation, "Well, ma'am, we send out the cards with the bill to renew the membership. It looks like no one ever sent in your renewal payment." So I called my dad and asked him why he didn't renew my membership, but he must have just forgotten. Luckily a girl from my work had jumper cables. Really one of those things that I should have. It's not like I don't have room for them in my car...I drive a station wagon. We cut off a few angry shoppers in the parking lot to get a spot near my car, and found a kind stranger to give us a tutorial on jumping cars: Reviving Dead Batteries 101. It worked so I drove home, however it is still dead.

Then I came home and did absolutely no homework, on the evening that I had set aside solely for homework. It gets worse. I got bored and tried to give myself bangs. We all know that that is ALWAYS a bad idea. So now I have bad bangs and because I am close to broke (and the Brothel is closed...jk) I have to decide between a new car battery or a hair cut. I need both desperately. What to do...

Broke?

Just kidding. This is a post about prostitution, and I shouldn't kid about it.

So this past week they busted a brothel directly across the street from my high school, which, consequently, happened to be down the street from the meth house that was busted about a year ago. You've got to love the suburbs. Apparently, they were only charged $40 for 15 minutes of "peasure." Who knows how much the girls actually got for that. To read more about this specific incident to here.

This breaks my heart.

While we are on the issue:
Read SOLD by Patricia McCormick. It's a beautiful piece of young adult literature that will open your eyes to the reality of sex trafficking around the world. As you read, keep in mind that it is also very prevalent right here in the USA, even as close as the Mall of America. It's a quick read. It will seriously take you a rainy afternoon to read.

Speechless

I think I have laryngitis...again.



My mom just reminded me that Purim is coming up next week. I know I'm not Jewish, but for some reason Jewish traditions fascinate me. I will thank Mrs. Allison, my elementary school music teacher, for that. From what I understand, Purim is a holiday to remember Esther. I love Jewish holidays because they seem to be rich in tradition and meaning. Maybe I'll look up how to celebrate it, and post it later this week. This year Purim Eve is on Thursday March 20th, and Purim is on Friday March 21! Which also happens to be Good Friday, if I am not mistaken. It should be eventful, eh!?

I'll fly away, O glory.

I drove past the airport today on my way to work. There was this aching pain inside my gut trying to convince me to book a flight to who knows where. I don't mean for like this summer or after graduation. It was as if the adventurous part of me was doing all it could to communicate with the sensible part of me by saying, "They probably don't need you at work today. You're almost at the airport, plus you have your tooth brush and tooth paste with you from staying in Hudson last night. Just do it." Then I sat there driving and trying to work it out in my head. I have to work today, but then again, I could call in sick. I have a $1,900 limit on my visa, and I bet I could do a weekend of travel for that much. I don't mind having to pay it off in little bits for the next couple of months. The only thing is that I have the We Can Ride Auction tomorrow night, and they have been so gracious to let me come and observe this year, and it would be unprofessional to skip. And with that, I continued past the airport exits, and headed to work. Here I am now, just dying to fly away.

Cute as a button

I miss-buttoned my orange jacket again today.


It's kind of funny to look back on my posts from two years ago. Wow, I have certainly changed, but not completely. I'm thinking about digging up my old xanga and seeing what I have on there from high school.

It's Greek to me

How do you say Gyro?
I'm not sure if the pronunciation matters, but I had one for dinner tonight. It was scrumptious.

On another note:
I have a blister on my thumb from playing my Autoharp.
I have been trying to master the "jazzy" strums. I think my rhythm is off.
For anyone who knows me, it is not a surprise.
I don't quite get how I can call out numbers in a rhythmic sort of way (you know, like auctioneering),
but for some reason when it comes to singing and doing anything rhythmic at the same time, I am completely challenged.
There are more important things I suppose.

I have to come up with something "cool" to do with the Calli and Cooper (kids I watched this summer) tomorrow when they come to Bethel. Sometimes I fear that they don't think I'm cool, so I really want to impress them.

Comfort Food

Chocolate milk can soothe the soul in a way that nothing else can.

Today I found myself stressing about too many things that don't matter. After a flash flood of tears, I settled down with my snack: apple dippers and smooth, rich and creamy chocolate milk. It was like a soft rub on the back. Yes, I believe that will do.










NOTE: I picked up blogging again today.

Grown up

So the other night I was sitting and talking to some of my friends. One is a pre-med, another business marketing, and when I asked the other one her major she said accounting. I replied, "I'm majoring in a-counting too. For the rest of my life I'll be with kindergarteners just a-counting and a-counting." She didn't think it was that funny.


I don't know if I even want to be a teacher. I think I do, because there is no other major that I think I could absolutely love. Honestly, I think all I want to do when I grow up is serve Jesus. As much as I would like to marry a pre-med major here at Bethel and live comfortably, I don't think I could spend my time getting pedicures when deep down I know I'm called to something greater.

I couldn't live with myself if I knew I was living for myself.

Mud

So it rained tonight...Amazing! I had just said earlier today that I wanted a thunderstorm, and low and behold there was one. I went downstairs to say hello to a friend of mine, and as I was helping him fold his laundry we decided to go play in the rain. Play in the rain? Honestly, I wasn't sure I knew how to play in the rain anymore. When I was little I would just play with toy boats in the gutter or hold a cute umbrella. But I'm nearly 19 now. Jumping in puddles just didn't have the same appeal. So we grabbed a frizbee and headed out side where we found some other guys jumping off the little bridge on Bethel's campus into the creek and they would body surf down the creek. It looked so fun. As the rain let up we found some friends sliding down a mud slide into a giant puddle. That was fun. SIDE NOTE: Growing up I was a very cautious, and clean child :END NOTE. I was covered in mud from head to toe. I felt so freed....Amazing.


Also, conversations with a few close friends at the end of a dock in the middle of the night covered in mud could be one of the most fulfilling experiences ever.

The most important thing I've ever learned!

Vespers was good last night. I feel like it was the first time I actually felt semi-connected to the Lord during the worship since I came to Bethel. Lately I haven't felt very genuine with my corperate worship; I'd rather praise God through prayer. No shame in that.
...I was so proud of myself; I finished all my work before vespers so I could get to bed early when I got back. Funny how things don't work out as we plan. When I got back from Vespers, I remembered that I needed to print out the paper for my 8:00 class, and sure enough, the printer in the study lounge was broken (as it always is when I'm tired and have a paper due). After I let out a huff of frustration, a boy in the study lounge, who grew up in Bloomington with me, thought he'd inform me of a death of one of the guys I graduated with last year. At first, I thought he was joking, because he tends to fool around a bit, but I know him well enough to know that he wouldn't joke about something that serious. He told me that this kid, Joey, died of a cocaine and meth overdose. Honestly it broke my heart. I didn't know Joey well at all. I mean we had classes together, and talked on occasion, but we were not much more than aquaintances. What broke my heart is that he did not know the Lord. How can parents sit at the funeral for their 19 year old son who died as a consequence to his foolish choices and maybe know that he is NOT in a better place. What's the preacher to do? Lie? Say he's in a better place so everyone gets warm fuzzies? I can't imagine that he would perform the funeral in a manner that implied that Joey had gone to you-know-where. Anyway, when I had all intentions of heading to bed, I knew I wouldn't...couldn'tsleep with out meeting with Jesus. For the first time in my life, His word came together in a way that I had never realized it before. Before, though the Lord would speak to me through his word, it seemed more to me like a bunch of random guidelines strung together to make me more Christ-like. Don't get me wrong. It has always been my truth and my light, but now, I can put it together. Everything I even glanced at in the Bible came down to spreading the good news of Salvation.

"My Ambition has always been to preach the Good News where the name of Christ has never been heard, rather than where a church has already been started by someone else. I have been following the plan spoken of in the scriptures, where it says,
Those who have never been told about him will see, and those who have never heard of him will understand."
Romans 15:20-21

"Obviously, I'm not trying to be a people pleaser! No, I am trying to please God. If I were still trying to please people, I would not be Christ's servant."
Galations 1:10

"So don't get tired of doing what is good. Don't get discouraged and give up, for we will reap a harvest of blessing at the appropriate time."
Galations 6:9

"Live wisely among those who are not Christians, and make the most of every oppertunity. Let your conversation be gracious and effective so that you will have the right answer for everyone."
Colossians 4:5-6

"Now, who will want to harm you if you are eager to do good? But even if you suffer for ding what is right, God will reward you for it. So don't be afraid and don't worry. Instead you must worship Christas Lord of your life. And if you are asked about your Christian hope, always be ready to explain it. but you must do this in a gentle and respectful way. Keep your concience clear. Then if people speak evil against you, they will be ashamed when they see what a good life you live because you belong to Christ."
1 Peter 3:13-17

It's just amazing how the Bible has this one common theme. Love and Live for God and share the Good News of Peace and Salvation. It proves how constant and great our God is. I was on a date the other night with some other couples and one of my friend's dates asked me why and how I have faith that the Bible is the Word of God and that it is inerrant (without error). Why? Because God is the same great God today as he was at the Creation of the World. How can I have faith? I just have to. If I could explain it, I wouldn't need faith.

In short: My biggest fear is to see someone leave this world with out knowing Jesus; it breaks my heart. This life is not about me; It's about Jesus. Therefore I desire nothing but to take his truth, which I find in his Word, to those who have not heard or do not understand. Jesus is the way the truth and the light and NO ONE can get to the father except through him. Gosh this is so darn important, I can't emphasize it enough.

I apologize that this was so darn scatterbrained, but there are just many things going through my head right now that are all so important and need to be voiced.

Stike

So last night, I went bowling with my roomie for next year and her dad and a few other people. We only got to bowl 1 and a half games. The first game I bowled a 31, and the second game (which we only got halfway through) I bowled an 8. Let's just say bowling is not my spiritual gift. So now I am on a pursuit to find what I am really good at. Wish me luck.

Do you wanna Dance?

There are so many things I want to do. I was recently in Mexico (like last week) with my beautiful mother, and I kept thinking of things I want to do. Sometimes I feel like I'm having a mid-life crisis, where I'm ready to do the drastic, like chop my hair or buy a time share in Canada. My mom is constantly reminding me that I'm only 18, then I have to remind her that I am almost 19. Because we all know the few extra months makes a world of difference. Anyway, right here, right now, I am making a list of things that I want to do within the next 10 years.(Note: this is in no particular order after the first few goals).

1. Fall more madly in love with my Savior Jesus.
2. Develop a one-woman act portraying the joys and struggles of teenage girls.
3. Learn to Dance. Not just like "Hey baby, check this" dancing, but like, "That's right, I'm natural and sweet, but I'm twirling so fast that I can't stop to chat and I really hope my dancing partner catches me" dancing.
4. Write a Book.
5. Travel oversees. Possibly England, or Italy.
6. Begin working to require Spanish in Elementary School curriculums.
7. Get in shape.
8. Expand my plate collection. I love tableware.
9. Pay off college loans. Maybe not all of them, but a good chunk of them.
10. I really really want to learn to dance.

Sexual Abuse Tonight!

No lie, today I opened my e-mail where I had 2 new messages. The first subject line read, "Taylor Storey (Cedarville) has written on your wall" the subject line on my second e-mail read this, "Sexual Abuse Tonight!" Do you ever have those moments where you read something and move on then it sinks in and you think to yourself, "Good Gracious! That's not right" so you go back and read it again only to find that someone has made a horrible error. It was one of those things where I began to chuckle and I turned around to see if there was anyone around to share this experience with, but there was no one. Although, since it was a mass e-mail, I do wonder if there were any other souls out there who noted the irony in the e-mail heading. I always hear Jay Leno reading those weird typos on his talk show, and I laugh at the creativity of the hoax, but being the rational person I am, I always assumed they were made up. Now the good Lord has shown me the truth: people who mean well may write things like, "Sexual Abuse Tonight!" when they really mean, "Sexual Abuse Discussion Tonight!" I'm thankful that we can laugh at the comic events of everyday life.

We were merely Freshmen

Oh gracious... I live at Bethel University now, it's sad that I haven't even come close to touching this thing since before I moved. Quick update: I love my roommates Gwen and LeRoyce (I know what you're thinking, but she actually is white). My classes are ok. I feel like all I do is read. I read and read and read, and when I'm done I have class and get assigned more to read. Fancy that. Well I guess this is what it's supposed to feel like. Yeah that's pretty much my life right now. But now for what I really had to say.


All college freshmen are alike. Actually all freshman are alike. Highschool freshmen try to be like what they think regular highschoolers act like, when they are not mature enough to do so. While college freshmen try to act all adult like most college students, when they aren't ready for the responsibility that goes along with it. At Cedarville, my dorm was not really freshman housing, but now at Bethel I live on what is dubbed the "Freshman Hill" and oh boy is it eventful. Where the girls dress like highschoolers, the boys act like toddlers, and their parents all sit back and pray that this will be the year their babies will mature. Will it ever happen? I will have to see next year, when they're all sophomores.

3 little words

"You've Got Mail" That has got to be my all time favorite movie. Yes, I'm a silly girl, but there is something quaint about the movie. The romanticism of their love via letters (or the modern day e-mail) gets me everytime. I loved it in the origional, The Shop Around the Corner, starring Margaret Sullavan and James Stewart, and then again in our wonderful remake as You've Got Mail, with Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks. I don't know. They're lives just seem so simple. As I was watching this movie, as it was on tbs tonight, I got to thinking about life. There is one point where Meg Ryan's character, Kathlene Kelly, says to her enemy, Joe Fox (F-O-X), "No one will ever remember you, Joe Fox. And maybe no one will remember me, but plenty of people remember my mother, and they think she was fine. And they think her store was something. But you, Joe Fox, are just a suit." Ouch. She sent him home with something to think about. He spent his whole life working, and following in the footsteps of his disfunctional father and grandfather. From that moment on, his life began to slowly change. He didn't dedicate his life to deworming orphans in Somalia or anything like that, but he began to look for the joys in this life. He began to cherish what really matters in life (except for God, because heaven forbid they mention God as the reason for life in any romantic comedy). I really don't know if any of this makes sense, because I feel it is quite late. Well, not that late, but sure late enough for all my thoughts to be jumbled. Anyway, I guess all I'm trying to say is that I think life can be way more simple than people make it...than I make it. We, as Americans, run through life, always trying to get from one place to another. Can't we take time to breath, so we can know really what we should do? Hmmm. I'll stop rambling on. Anyway, Dial up will never be forgotten (in fact it may even be joked about in the same way we poke fun at 8 tracks). Breath.

Puzzled

Feel free to call me corny and to go write another self-help book for women that will be bought for it's amazing cover, and never touched after that by most women. Can I just say that if those annoying redundant books touch one soul, they were worth writing. So with that I'm going to share my little thought that I gathered while putting together a puzzle of Times Square New York, NY. Puzzles are something that I never thought I liked to do, but yesterday I sat down to our dining room table to take a stab at the action. It was a really difficult puzzle. You know, the kind where, out of the 500 pieces, at least 46 of them are all black, and all kind of fit in certain spots. So when I was putting this picture together, I would shove pieces in places where they fit, but I could feel there was some type of resistance. Luckily I was able to catch my mistakes and replace those pieces with the pieces that were designed to go in those designated spots. And I got to thinking: that's what it's like with us as Christians, or humans for that matter. We are each a piece that goes together to make a beautiful, detailed picture. However, if we don't do our job and fill in our spots, the puzzle cannot be fulfilled. Sure someone else (or another piece) can go in our spot, but they wouldn't get the job done the same way we could have. And we must know that we can't do it on our own, but that's why we have the church; to support eachother. So I guess that's why it's so important for us to search for where we belong. It's not always an easy journey to find where God wants us, but in the end we will be able to see how we impacted the big picture.

"Now there are different kinds of spiritual gifts, but it is the same Holy Spirit who is the source of them all. There are different kinds of service in the church, but it is the same Lord we are serving. There are different ways God works in our lives, but it is the same God who does the work through all of us. A spiritual gift is given to each of us as a means of helping the entire church."
~I Corinthians 12:4-7

It's raining men

Who would ever think to write that song? Rip off the roof and stay in bed? Honestly, what is that? Everything about that song is so wrong, yet I absolutely love it. Maybe because I feel like it gives more power to women due to the fact that it completely belittles men to nothing more than a sex object, or maybe because it just feels great to dance to. I guess it is safe to conclude that I have no idea why I like it. Anyway, today I was listening to a mix my mom's friend Tammy made for my mom. The CD didn't work in any of our CD players except my car CD player, so my mom gave it to me. I put it in to listen to as I drove out to the Rock tonight. So as I pull out of my driveway, I began to listen to the wonderful You're So Vain, then that led to You Make Me Feel Like A Natural Woman, followed by Anticipation which was trailed by about 3 more songs before it started Raining Men. By this time I was in Uptown looking for a parking spot, which I must say was a stressful situation for someone like me who hasn't parallel parked since my second drivers test. So I finally found a spot on Hennipen Avenue which I thought was legal, but wasn't completely positive, but I parked there anyway. It wasn't a spot where I had to parallel park, but it still took me a few times to back up and pull forward to get close enough to the curb. So while I'm going through this tedious process, I realized that I had my music on almost as loud as it can be. This isn't always a bad thing, but when your in uptown sticking out like a sore thumb because you have no clue how to park on the street and are listening to It's Raining Men, it can be quite embarrassing. And embarrassing it was. So I turned my car off and went into church where Mark Bowen gave a fabulous message on greed, which I suggest everyone must download off of www.Rockthechurch.com because chances are you are greedy. No offence, but being an American you are. Sorry about my mini sermon, so on with the story. After church, the lovely Ruth Bowen and I drove together to Mikey's house for a fun little birthday gathering for him. Ruth and I got in the car, I turned the ignition, and what comes blaring through my low-quality speakers? It's Raining Men. I quickly turned it down and apologized. Then, to my surprise, Ruth replies with, "No I love that song." So we turned it up and sang at the top of our lungs. Well maybe not at the top of our lungs, but we did sing along. Then when the song was over we turned it down and had some solid girl talk time. Aaah. Nothing brings the whole world together like music. Except for sports movies like Rudy or Remember the Titans or Waterboy (ok totally joking about waterboy). But that's for a whole different post.

Sweet home Minnesota

Well I just spent like a half hour writing out all I wanted to say about my trip to Ohio to move out, and I accidentally erased it. Maybe that was the Lord telling me that I said too much. So here's what I'll share:
It was sad to leave Cedarville. I didn't realize how many true friends I had until it was time to go. I love Cedarville and all the wonderful people there, but I know Bethel is where the Lord wants me to be, and I have a total peace about it all. He's got the whole world in his hands.

I'm still writing 2005 on my checks

I come home and suddenly I become too cool for blogging. Well, maybe too cool isn't the issue. How about too busy? or too preoccupied? That sounds more like it. It's crazy how busy life gets. So I'm home in Minnesota! I love the beautiful cold. Let me explain. Ohio (where I have spent the last 4 months) is cold, not as cold as Minnesota, but cold nonetheless. However, in Ohio, the sun never shines, and it always rains...except for when it snows. When it snows, the snow melts then turns straight to ice. That leaves us with icy sidewalks, brown grass, a non-frozen Cedar Lake, and a grey sky. Though Ohio weather is miserable, it really allows me to appreciate Minnesota's lovely winters.

I feel like I have so much I want to share, but I'm afraid that if I write too much no one will be willing to read what I had to share. Well, I don't think I'm going to let that hold me back. I suppose I could talk about my days at Bare Escentuals where I spent eight hours a day swirling, tapping and buffing mineral make-up, but honestly, that would be worthless chatter. We had a fantastic Christmas with family then with the Sims, our adoptive family who is finally home (well most of them) from the far away land of Belgium. A few days after Christmas my mother, Joe and I headed of to the third annual Faithwalkers Conference in Missouri. And that's where this story really begins...

My mom and I have been to Faithwalkers every year, and it's been different every year. The first year I can honestly say changed my life. The main thing I took from the 2003 faithwalkers conference was to read my Bible daily, and I did for a long while, but then after 6 or 7 months I forgot my priorities. The 2004 faithwalkers could have been a lot better had I not focussed on mingling with my great friends. It was a blast, but I didn't really put anything to practice, but this year was different. Holy smokes! God is so good. Can I just say that I am so thankful for the men and women of Great Commission Ministries who have paved the path for us fellow faithwalkers? This year I took home a lot. It all boils down to me needing to die to myself so that I may be fruitful! I spent the week with my mother and the beautiful Terri Erhardt. I love them both dearly, and I am so thankful they were there to help me grow. I hope to take my gift of faith and someday do missions. Really I just want to follow the Lord where ever he may take me. He's a good God. I just wish everyone could know him the way we know him, because he saves lives, changes lives, heals lives, and loves those who live their lives with his purpose in mind.

"The truth is, a kernel of wheat must be planted in the soil. Unless it dies it will be alone -- a single seed. But its death will produce many new kernels -- a plentiful harvest of new lives. Those who love their life in this world will lose it. Those who despise their life in this world will keep it for eternal life. All those who want to be my disciples must come and follow me, because my servants must come and follow me, because my servants must be where I am. And if they follow me, the Father will honor them."
~John 12: 24-26

Chew on that for a while, and see if it changes your life.

And now it's 2006! I hate writing 6's, but I guess this is the year to perfect it. I hope I have my 6's down by June, because then I'll have to write 6-something-06. For now I'll just worry about January, and take each month as it comes.