Looking Back

I have found that each year at Bethel has been different and unique.

Freshman year: Lots of fun and few responsibilities. It was a time where I still appreciated student life activities. I looked up to the upper classmen and could not imagine ever being that mature. I talked about living a radical life, and giggled with my girlfriends about all of the cute Bethel boys.

Sophomore year: This was a year of trials. I had a difficult living experience my first semester. Like any trying experience, I was refined. I learned the importance of striving to be the same person in the house and out. I also began to develop deeper friendships with fewer people. Second semester I had the chance to live with five other girls who strived to grow closer to the Lord and encouraged me immensely. This was also the year I learned that waitressing was not my life's calling.

Junior year: This may have been my favorite year at Bethel. I really began to grasp who I am. I found myself with a newfound sense of confidence that I hadn't had before. Due to my switching of majors, I had the chance to meet so many new and wonderful people. I fell in and out of crushes with various Bethel boys. I began to focus more on academics because I absolutely loved what I was learning. My main group of girlfriends shifted dramatically. This group of girls helped me draw close to Christ in a different way than my Sophomore girlfriends.

Senior year: To be honest I'm jaded. I don't have the drive to do homework. I only have one roommate. I love her to death, but when she's not here I feel like I don't have anyone to hang out with because the dorm we live in is not very social. When I walk into market (the main student social gathering place) or the library I generally don't recognize a soul. Many of my familiar faces have either graduated or are consumed with the business that comes along with being a senior. I don't know what I will do upon graduation in three months. I'm not sure if I've fully utilized my time at Bethel. I'm sick of people getting engaged. I do not want to be married or engaged right now, but I hate that I cannot relate to what my friends are going through. I feel left out. The thought of graduation makes me sad, exited, scared, empowered, frantic, anxious, grown-up, unprepared, and nervous all at once.

Please pray that I can figure this whole growing up thing out.