21

My friend, John, was trying to explain to another friend and myself that you change a lot in college, which I totally agree with. Then he said that his life has changed significantly since he turned 21 (which was like 3 months ago). At the time I was like, "No way, life doesn't change much, you're just saying that because now you don't need a fake to buy your beloved bud light." Bud light...gross, I know.

It has been about a week since John said that to me, and I have found myself meditating on the idea of life changing after my 21st birthday. And you know what?!? It has changed a lot in a 2 month period. I guess I always associated 21 with drinking obviously because it is the legal drinking age. However, the changes that have occurred have nothing to do with drinking. And now I realize that he was not referring to his ability to legally consume alcohol, but rather something much deeper.

I don't even know if I will be able to successfully explain this because so much of it has to do with the way I feel rather than physical changes. I'm going to try anyway:
~ I saw a huge spider and didn't scream...I just squished it.
~ People who are 25, 26, 27, 28 years old feel like peers to me rather than someone who was a high schooler when I was in Jr. High.
~ For one of the first times in my life, I am almost completely satisfied with my body the way it is even though it isn't at its most fit.
~ I feel suffocated at the idea of marriage straight after college, unlike many of my peers at Bethel.
~ I know that two glasses of wine is too much.
~ I'm getting along with all of my siblings.
~ I'm broke.
~ My parents seem to be right all the time...well, most of the time.
~ I second guess everything that I'm involved in from church, to school, to relationships, to my career, to whatever else exists.
~ I watch the news at breakfast (that is partially because I live with my grandma).

Gosh, the list could go on. I think I'm growing up. It's the weirdest sensation, and I am slightly frustrated that the English vocabulary lacks the words to describe it. If anyone can come up with the PERFECT word. I will promise to love you forever.

I apologize that this post doesn't do justice to what is really going on inside my head. If I could express it, I would, but I can't.

Goodnight, moon.