such great television

Oh I have a Gloria for ya'll. These will be more few and far between, as I head back to school and will not see her as often.

We were sitting at breakfast the other day, and all of a sudden she got really giddy (picture old people giddy, it's quite funny) and said, "There is going to be such good television these next couple weeks. First, with the Democratic convention and then...the Republican convention!" She said it as though the past couple weeks there has been nothing good on. Olympics? What's that? No, no, no...only the national conventions for this political junkie.

Also, might I add, I noticed yesterday morning that sitting on the table next to the dining room table was a map. Not just any map, but one with just the United States. Most of the middle states were colored red (with the exception of MN), and the states on the coast were blue. You guessed it. She has a map in her dining room showing with states are Democratic and which states are Republican.

Oh Gloria.

I am about to finish the book my aunt suggested I read. The Shack. It's a Christian Novel. It's not a great literary read, but it does put a different light on God. It paints a picture of the trinity in a way that one can comprehend. So in that sense it has been good. I have heard that it has been controversial, but I one goes into it, knowing it's only a novel and not Biblical truth, I think it's fine. Once I finish it I'm going to pick up The Bell Jar and hopefully finish it this time. Otherwise I need to read Twilight before the movie comes out. The fact that it is a vampire romance book, really makes me not want to read it, however my dear friends from Bare Escentuals say I must. I can't knock it until I read it.

Needless to say, I have too much to read to watch all the great television these next couple of weeks.

the queen bee

I feel as though many of my posts have been so similar this summer...full of busy-ness. You may call me the busy bee, or queen bee if you prefer. I think I would prefer queen bee. All of my thoughts are buzzing around my head too quickly to even be accounted for. Every time I even think of logging on to blog I get stuck because my mind doesn't have the slightest clue where to begin. it is as if it were clogged with honey (as I weakly extend this bee metaphor). Oy vay.

I sort of wonder when I will crash and burn. I feel as though it is inevitable, so therefore I must prepare myself for the event. I sleep, work, internship, sleep, work, socialize, crazily try to figure out my life after college, sleep, work, internship, feel bad for not staying in touch with friends, sleep, go, go, go dog go. Please note that the sleep in this sequence does not indicate napping. No, no, no. Napping does not fit in my schedule, however I did have one nap last week, and it was wonderful. The sleep merely indicates a break between two days. I enjoy being busy, but I wonder what I am not focusing on that deserves my attention. I need a break.

I will post as I begin to clear my head, and figure out the mess inside it.

The Old Rugged Cross

I live with my grandma. My grandpa, who is 90, is living in a nursing home nearby. My grandma visits him a couple of days each week. She says it's too much to visit him every day, which I can understand.

Mac, my grandpa, has Alzheimer's and he often can't remember things. Recently it has gotten much worse. The other day my grandma showed up at the nursing home and he was holding someone else's hand. My grandma, in a rather lighthearted manner, asked the nurse if she should be jealous. The nurse chuckled softly and replied, "He thinks she is you." My grandma played it off alright, but I ache for her. I can't imagine seeing my soul-mate holding someone else's hand. I want to cry just thinking about it.

Today my grandma had a hard day too. It started out that the people who owned her nail salon were evicted so she couldn't get her acrylics filled. That is better off anyway because they were not sanitary at all. However, then she went to the nursing home to have lunch with grandpa Mac. She now has to feed him when she's there. It is all very sad for her to see. I'm not sure what he does the days that she doesn't visit. Does he just not eat? I don't know. Having Alzheimer's, he often repeats things every couple minutes. Today's phrases were more somber than others. He cried as he would say things like, "You may not see me again," or, "I will not be here long." My grandma would reply, "Mac, we don't know that for sure, but if that's so, I'll see you in heaven." Then he would smile.

Please pray for them. Pray that Gloria (my grandma) will be given the strength and comfort she needs to survive, and pray that the Lord will take Mac home. The Old Rugged Cross is Mac's favorite song.

answers

I truly wish I had all of the right answers. About God that is. Here's the deal. I know Him, I believe in Him, and it's not just because I grew up believing in Him. But how can I explain that to someone? Yesterday someone who believes in God, but is still trying to figure it all out picked my brain. It all was a blur and I do not remember much of what he said or how I responded, but I was ashamed much of the conversation.

Him: How would you explain to someone that your God exists?
Me: Eh?
Him: Ok, what makes you think your God exists?
Me: Well, it is evident to me that evil exists, and I have witnessed God counter act it...
(Okay, for the record this was a terrible answer, and he called me on it...embarrassing. Being put on the spot stinks)

This evening went on with questions like this. Questions that tested my faith, as he tried to strengthen his. My answers became better throughout the evening (credit for this can only go to God, because these debates are not in my skill-set), especially as I began to see what the root of the problem was for him: Christians (or the ones he knows) go to church on Sunday, but other than that their lives don't seem different from non-Christians, yet they are quick to judge. GRRR! That makes me so mad.

I explained that Christians SHOULD love the Lord their God with all they have, and second to love others as they love themselves. Unfortunately, just because they are Christians doesn't mean they automatically do that. I apologized for those who have misrepresented Christ, and for me misrepresenting Christ DAILY! I'm giving him a copy of Letters to a Skeptic by Greg Boyd...He tends to have a way with some of these answers.

Please pray that this man will see God the way He ought to be seen. Pray that he will see Christians that act the way Christians ought to act...like Christ. Pray that he will see the appeal in Christ as he observes Christ lived out in others' lives. Just pray. Pray that we will all be bold in our faith to preach the word, because it is the TRUTH and because those who don't know Him need to.

tired

Wow, just as I began to type I had a huge sneeze. Gross.

I am tired, but I have a lot on my mind.

1) Just read an article on Andy Wiersma. Read it. How do you want to be remembered? I would love to get to my dying day and be remembered as the girl who stayed late to bring a disabled person home. Just a specific example of something he did, but I am too selfish to do. How can I display Christ day in and day out? Deep.

2) I am convinced China is cheating. The little gymnastics girls are totally not 16. I hope their gold medal is taken away (assuming someone can prove that I am right)!

3) I heard someone on Fox News quote the National Inquirer as a source today. I laughed out loud. It's good to know they have credible information.

4) I went to Lake Harriet to read my book/listen to music. It rained, but I stayed to watch the rain pour down. It was all worth it for the rainbow.

5) God is good.

Good night, love.

Oy Vey...

"Oy vey!" Those of you who know me well, know that this is a phrase that is well integrated into my vocabulary. I will now give you some was to work it into our every day lingo (courtesy of urban dictionary).

1) Yiddish: short for "Oy vey iz mir," Oh, woe is me!
Today's only Tuesday? I thought it was Friday! Oy vey!!!!"

2) Jewish exasperated exclamation
I have tons of homework tonight! Oy vey!

3) Yiddish for "oh woe", a Jewish expression often of frustration, but also of excitement.
Oy vey, it's Friday.

4) Another way to say, Oh boy or Oh my goodness.
Ov vey, you got caught speeding, again.

5) A form and phrase of astonishment for people of Jewish descent. Also refers to excitement of a half price off sale or any other type of discount on useless yet cheap items.Along with excitement to sales and bargains, the term "oy vey!" can also associate with a negative excitement such as an outrageously overpriced item.
Pat:Look guys there's sale at Urban Outfitters!!!
Matt:Pat! Shame on you! Those prices in their are definately outrageous! Oy vey!!!
Mike:Yeah Pat I'm with Matt on this one,oy vey indeed!

6) Schwytzer Düütsch (Swiss German) (heard it said in and around the German-speaking parts of Switzerland. Who knows, could be the Jewish influence...): oh no!
(Sitting with a group of friends in the local pub and someone you all don't really want to see walks in): Oy vey! Haascht gesehe' wer reinkommt, Gel?

Also, I must post one definition given for the word "Oy"

1) something to say to get attention when everyone is talking over you
Students: Why does mrs nash go oy whenever she calls us?

Mrs. Nash: OY!
Students: yes miss?

...okay, two definitions for "O"

2) "the funniest word ever" according to Lorelai on Gilmore Girls.
Oy, with the poodles already!

Water

Nothing soothes me like water. People wouldn't write songs like "Peace like a River" if water weren't so...well, peaceful. Today I found myself driving around with the unquenchable need for peace. I wished I was up near Bethel where there are public lakes on every corner, but I was in Bloomington where there are lakes, but none that I can just go and sit at and pray, read, think, etc. I settled for praying in the car and then heading to my house to read in my wonderfully wooded back yard while listening to a variety of intstrumental folk. My soul is at peace.

Comb-over

I have finally been able to partake in one of my favorite events of the summer...music at the Lake Harriet Bandstand! It's held every night at 7:30, except Sundays where they have a show at 2 and another at 5 or something like that. Anyway, last summer I was able to go quite often, and this summer I had the intention to do the same. However, it has been a very busy summer and I had not had the chance until last Friday where I went with a couple girlfriends to watch musicians who are apart of the Minnesota Association of Songwriters. Very chill, and wonderful. Tonight I went with Laura and my brother to watch the Bend in the River Big Band play a wide variety of Swing and Jazz. That was also very enjoyable. My nights at Lake Harriet make me very happy and at peace.

Lake Harriet is an awesome place to people-watch because there are hippies of all ages uniting for free music. Tonight, we saw a very unfortunate event. There was an old man in a rocking lawn chair (this looked like a regular folding lawn chair except that the legs were connected by a curved bar allowing it to rock...so it's exactly what it sounds like). He was sitting next to two women, one of which was in a regular folding lawn chair and the other in a rocking lawn chair. This detail is of no consequence, however I was intrigued by the existence of a rocking lawn chair. The crime was that the poor old man's comb-over was no longer combed-over. His bald head was exposed, and attached to it was a large chunk of hair free-flowing in the summer wind. I felt bad laughing, but it was a crucial point at which to laugh.

Next time we're bringing wine...

Sie haben Uber Kommen

I couldn't think of a heading for this post. This is "you have arrived" in German. I only know, because when my mom and I were in Nashville, we tried using our GPS as it spoke auf Deutsch.

Sometimes I have too many thoughts to successfully put them in what would seem to be a coherent paragraph.

Oswald Chambers had something wonderful to say today, as usual. I won't give ya'll the whole thing, just blurbs.

...We have the idea that God is leading us toward a particular end or a desired goal, but He is not...His purpose is for me to depend on Him and on His power now. If I can stay calm, faithful, and unconfused while in the middle of the turmoil of life, to goal of the purpose of God is being accomplished in me...It is the process, not the outcome that is glorifying to God...

It sort of reminds me of what Spencer said yesterday about being meek (not mousey meets weak). We are submissive under God's power daily.

I like that.

Also, I really appreciate Neil Young. Although his out spoken liberal views drive me absolutely nuts, his music puts me at ease in a way no other music does. Especially his Harvest Moon Album

21

My friend, John, was trying to explain to another friend and myself that you change a lot in college, which I totally agree with. Then he said that his life has changed significantly since he turned 21 (which was like 3 months ago). At the time I was like, "No way, life doesn't change much, you're just saying that because now you don't need a fake to buy your beloved bud light." Bud light...gross, I know.

It has been about a week since John said that to me, and I have found myself meditating on the idea of life changing after my 21st birthday. And you know what?!? It has changed a lot in a 2 month period. I guess I always associated 21 with drinking obviously because it is the legal drinking age. However, the changes that have occurred have nothing to do with drinking. And now I realize that he was not referring to his ability to legally consume alcohol, but rather something much deeper.

I don't even know if I will be able to successfully explain this because so much of it has to do with the way I feel rather than physical changes. I'm going to try anyway:
~ I saw a huge spider and didn't scream...I just squished it.
~ People who are 25, 26, 27, 28 years old feel like peers to me rather than someone who was a high schooler when I was in Jr. High.
~ For one of the first times in my life, I am almost completely satisfied with my body the way it is even though it isn't at its most fit.
~ I feel suffocated at the idea of marriage straight after college, unlike many of my peers at Bethel.
~ I know that two glasses of wine is too much.
~ I'm getting along with all of my siblings.
~ I'm broke.
~ My parents seem to be right all the time...well, most of the time.
~ I second guess everything that I'm involved in from church, to school, to relationships, to my career, to whatever else exists.
~ I watch the news at breakfast (that is partially because I live with my grandma).

Gosh, the list could go on. I think I'm growing up. It's the weirdest sensation, and I am slightly frustrated that the English vocabulary lacks the words to describe it. If anyone can come up with the PERFECT word. I will promise to love you forever.

I apologize that this post doesn't do justice to what is really going on inside my head. If I could express it, I would, but I can't.

Goodnight, moon.

home

Well, I'm home again.

Nashville was wonderful.
The music was wonderful...Grand Ole Opry, The Ryman, and other various establishments along the Broadway strip.
The food was not too bad either. I think I had pulled pork more times this week than in my entire life. However, Ben (yes, I'm talking straight to you), I regret to say that I think my dad's BBQ is better than Jack's. Don't get me wrong, it was wonderful, but it had some tough competition.
The conference was AMAZING. I don't think many people understand how much I love being an auctioneer. It's not just some ole job, it's who I am. It was fantastic being constantly surrounded with people who understand my passion for auctioneering. It seems weird to people who aren't a part of the business, I understand, but ya'll must know I love it.

Bid it on now...

itchy

I slept with a mosquito last night. I have to say that it is by far the worst feeling in the whole wide world. Most of the little itchy bumps are on my feet. Grrr. For some reason that is the worst spot to have a mosquito bite, maybe it's because you have to bend over everytime you want to itch it. Anyway, I couldn't sleep, so I woke up and typed "mosquito bites" into google to find some home remedy for itch-relief, because I guarentee you that my grandma doesn't have an anti-itch cream that is from anytime after the 80s. Seriously, everything in her medicine cabinet is near antique.

I was just about to explain how in researching the remedies I heard an annoying little buzzing noise, but as I began to type it the little beast decided to snack on my foot again. I killed it this time. He was a warrior though. I am itchy and annoyed nonetheless.

Tubby

Ellie will not stop baking. I'm not sure if I'm upset about it or happy. There is a good and bad to everything.

Ellie's baking: good vs. bad...
Good: She may be the best baker in the world.
Bad: She does not eat many of her own baking products...apparently baking them satisfies her need for something sweet.
Good: That means more for me.
Bad: That means more for me. My little sister, who is already a half foot taller than me, is trying to make me fat. Hence the Tubby title. eh.

I wish I had an auction coming up.

I have my first conference call today for my job. I feel so grown up.

Now, I am going to go sit in my porch and enjoy the sunshine with a cookie, a diet coke, and my Beth Moore Bible Study. I love my days off!

Crazy Busy

I have been so busy that I haven't had a moment to breath. That's the way summer goes I guess. Internship, homework, Bare Escentuals, homework, Church, homework, coffee dates, homework. That's about it. I do love my Gender Communication class - trust me I could use the help - but at the same time, it will be nice when it's over and I can read an easy beach novel (like you're supposed to do in the summer). Needless to say, I'm truckin'...barely.

DMV

I hate the DMV. It's like the entire system around the DMV is set up to frustrate people. I had to go renew my driver's license today. I know, I know, my birthday was in May, but my mom told me that they would send me a notice to renew my license and that I couldn't get it done with out it. Well, they never sent me a notice, so I went in today to get it renewed - seeing as my license has been expired for nearly a month. Anyway, here's what happened...it is so typical:

I showed up, and noticed I was the only car in the lot. Score! No picking a number, and not waiting. It wasn't even closed. I thought that the gods were smiling on me today. However I was wrong. On the door it stated "We do not accept credit cards." Who the hell doesn't accept credit cards? Don't people usually just not accept checks? Anyway, I found a local ATM, but it wouldn't accept my pin number. So then I drove to Wells Fargo and got some cash to pay for it. By the time I got back to the DMV, a whole slew of cars had pulled up, and I was forced to pick a number. The number thing said 25, and I had picked 31. So I waited, and waited and waited. Then it was my turn, and nothing went wrong, but the idea of the DMV just annoys me. My picture is kind of nice, and I am now an organ doner (three snaps for Sarah Jean)!

I needed to get my tabs renewed too, but I couldn't afford to renew both today. I hate being broke. Yuck.

If I had to choose between going to the dentist or the DMV, I would choose the dentist hands down. At least they have fish and magazines while you wait.

Hungry

I do enjoy living with my grandma. Fox News is always on. I have never before in my life been so up to date on politics. It's all she talks about. So if I spew my political opinion, please note that it is my grandma's. Side note: I have a George W. Bush calendar in my room. Anyway, she is great company. Plus she tells me funny stories from her life. Maybe I'll post those sometime.

Like every good thing there is a "but" to this matter. So here it goes:

I love my grandma and I like living with her, but there I am so hungry. Don't get me wrong, we do have breakfast together every morning which usually consists of cereal or toast with fresh fruit and coffee. I think that is the only meal she eats though. There is very little food in her pantries. I went to make dinner tonight and I looked for something easy to make like packaged noodles, soup, pizza, etc. Then I realized that she had bread so I went to make a grilled cheese sandwich, but the cheese was moldy. Then I noticed she had rye, corned beef, and thousand island dressing and I got excited because I love reubens. But the corned beef expired a week ago and I remembered that she brought a reuben dip to Easter so I figured it was all pretty old. Then she had egg beaters - you know, the fake egg in a carton - I thought I could settle for fake scrambled eggs. Then as the pan was heating up, I realized she had no Pam to spray the pan with (it was not a nonstick pan). So I got in my car and went to Lunds. I got out of my car, stood up, realized that I have spent nearly $40 on food this past week - obviously because my grandma has no food - I sat back in my car and drove to my parents house to eat a black bean burger on an english muffin. Ufda.

School's out for the summer...sort of.

I handed in my last final on Wednesday night. What have I been doing with my summer thus far? Let me tell you...

1) I worked...once. I go back again tonight, but for the most part I will be working very little this summer.
2) I went back to Bethel...twice, in three days. And because I still have to pay a bill there and register for another class for the fall, I will be back again soon, no doubt.
3) I got a new low E string for my autoharp. Good news though. I just assumed that I would have to get the entire thing restrung, but apparently autoharp strings don't stretch the way guitar strings do, so unless they snap (which they shouldn't), I don't need to replace them. What I thought would be $100 ended up being $1.49, and my mom paid for it! I plan on getting really good on the autoharp this summer.
4) I organized my life. Seriously, it's beautiful. I can not function when things are all over the place. I went through all of my clothes and split them into piles: fall (bring to school in August), fall/winter (for later in the fall), summer must-haves (things I will keep at my Grandmas with me this summer), summer I-might-want-at-some-points (things that I will keep at home where they are out of the way and yet easy to access), donate, and wash. AMAZING. I also organized/threw away all of my nick-nacks. I hate having unnecessary stuff around. Basically I am set for this summer, and when I need to move back to Bethel in the fall all I need to do is grab my pre-packed bins of "school stuff" and go. You have no idea how good it feels!
5) I bought my books for my summer class. One on Amazon and one at Borders. I haven't recieved the one from Amazon yet, but I absolutely love the book I got from Borders. I'm taking Gender Communication and my prof had us get America's Women: 400 years of Dolls, Drudges, Helpmates and Heroines by Gail Collins. I started it, and by started it I mean I read the introduction. Anyway, I like her style of writing, plus it puts together history, which I love, and women, which I happen to be one, so that is wonderful. I was really tempted to e-mail Dr. Brule (aka Nancy) and ask her to post her syllabus online so I could start my readings. But then I thought that was a little too nerdy, even for me.

Wow...Quite the update. Real quick...I move into my grandma's house this week. Why? Because I have no bedroom at home, and my parents would have put me in the garage again. Also because my grandpa is now in the nursing home, and my grandma needs company. It should be nice.

Until next time,
Sarah Jean

Garden Salsa Sun Chips...

I love them a lot. They are so tasty. It's like chips and salsa minus the dipping step.

I'm coming up on finals here. Honestly, all of my finals were canceled, and that is pretty nice. I just have to edit my final paper..yet again, and write my philosophy of forgiveness. I am struggling keeping myself focussed just because there is so little that I have to do, but I'll get 'er done.

I went to Mason City, IA today and saw a cell phone store called Cell-U-Byte. Gross.

His Eye is on the Sparrow...

You've got to love lessons in faith. And by "got to love" I really mean...grrrr! My life has been full of things I am forced to trust God with lately.

Something you must know about me is that I like to have everything under control: my school work, my love life (or lack there of), my career, my family, my meals, my steering wheel, my make up (seriously, I hate having others do my make up, because I know exactly how I want it)...you get the picture.

Here's what is going on...
1) My dad has been out of a job since December. He is so smart, and wonderful and would be a great asset to any company, but it is one of those things where nothing has come through the way it ought. You know how you get to a certain point in something where it's out of your hands and you just need to trust God with it. Well, that's how it has been with this job search. We cannot doubt that it's in God's timing, but we're just so frustrated that his timing is so much longer than ours. Grrr.

2) Much less significant: I have been working on a group project for my senior project. Group project. Enough said. It is so hard to give out tasks and trust that they will be done and they will be done well. Here's the thing...I have an awesome group, and I love them so dearly. They always do what I ask, and they do it well. They just don't do it how I had visualized it in my mind, and I get frustrated. I hate having to trust others sometimes. Well, we're almost done.

3) I'm graduating soon....What on earth is in store for me? I have seen first hand how competitive the job market is, and it stresses me out.

4) The list continues with a series of personal and other insignificant things that I allow myself to worry about....

The other day I was researching stories behind various hymns to share on my radio show, and I came across the story for His Eye is on the Sparrow. Basically the woman who wrote it in the 1910ish era had a friend who was bedridden for many years who was married to a paralyzed man. When she asked this couple how they coped with their life of pain and affliction, the woman answered, "His eye is on the sparrow, and I know he watches me."

It is my favorite hymn now...

Why should I feel discouraged, why should the shadows come,
Why should my heart be lonely, and long for heaven and home,
When Jesus is my portion? My constant friend is He:
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

Refrain

I sing because I’m happy,
I sing because I’m free,
For His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.

“Let not your heart be troubled,” His tender word I hear,
And resting on His goodness, I lose my doubts and fears;
Though by the path He leadeth, but one step I may see;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

Refrain

Whenever I am tempted, whenever clouds arise,
When songs give place to sighing, when hope within me dies,
I draw the closer to Him, from care He sets me free;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

Refrain

Gracious Uncertainty...

My Utmost for His Highest was good today. I am going to share it with you....

Gracious Uncertainty
By Oswald Chambers

"...it has not yet been revealed what we shall be..." 1 John 3:2

Our natural inclination is to be so precise - trying always to forecast accurately what will happen next - that we look upon uncertainty as a bad thing. We think that we must reach some predetermined goal, but that is not hte nature of the spiritual life. The nature of the spiritual life is that we are certain in our uncertainty. Consequently, we do not put down roots. Our common sense says, "Well, what if I were in that circumstance?" We cannot presume to see ourselves in any circumstance in which we have never been.
Certainty is the mark of the commonsense life - gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, not knowing what tomorrow may bring. This is generally expressed with a sigh of sadness, but it should be an expression of breathless expectation. We are uncertain of the next step, but we are certain of God. As soon as we abandon ourselves to God and do the task He has placed closest to us, He begins to fill our lives with surprises. When we become simply a promoter or a defender of a particular belief, something within us dies. That is not believing God - it is only believing our belief about Him. Jesus said, "...unless you...become as little children..." (Matthew 18:3). The spiritual life is the life of a child. We are not uncertain of God, just uncertain of what He is going to do next. If our certainty is only in our beliefs, we develop a sense of self-righteousness, become overly critical, and are limited by the view that our beliefs are complete and settled. But when we have the right relationship with God, life is full of spontaneous, joyful uncertainty and expectancy. Jesus said, "...believe also in me" (John 14:1), not, "Believe certain things about me." Leave everything to Him and it will be gloriously and graciously uncertain how He will come in - but you can be certain that He will come. Remain Faithful to him.




I love this book...If you don't have it...Get it!